An Ode to the Men of Match.com

I have recently been convinced to attempt online dating.  While it's not going particularly well, it's also not going terribly.  I've emailed with some nice guys, had a couple of dates and generally don't hate the experience.  

However, here are a few things that I would like to say to the men of match.com:

• Dear Scorpio6969 -- You look cute in your picture, you sound totally normal and like someone who I may actually enjoy spending time with.  HOWEVER, use your brain when creating a profile name.  Scorpio6969?  Really?!  I get that picking a username is hard - but this was the best thing that came to your mind???  No. Just no.  
•  When saying 'You love to cook?  What a coincidence - I love to eat.' - it could come across as quirky or even cute.  But when you follow it up with 'What's your favorite bad 80s song?  Mine is Let's Get Physical' - you've just catapulted yourself into the category of 'never going to happen'.
• Don't lie about your height.  When we meet - I will notice that you are at least three inches shorter than you say you are.  It's not a secret and I'm not blind.  
• Why must you insist on 'liking' my profile picture?  If you like my profile picture - send me an email.  Step up.  Say hi.  What's the worst that can happen??   I'll tell you what can happen - you'll send 12 emails and get zero responses (not that I know anything about that.  That has never happened to me.  NEVER.).  
• Don't text me five days after our really fun first date to tell me that you are 'recycling' our date with another girl and feel terrible because it was my idea.  And then tell me that you don't actually want to go out with me again - you just wanted to let me know that you were swamped with other dates.  There are so many problems with this that I'm not even sure where to start.  #1)  You can't come up with your own dates?! #2) You are a huge jerk.  

That's all I've got for now.