The Rules of Attraction (Or Lack There Of)

Attraction is a funny beast.  It's one of those things that sometimes it's there - and sometimes, it just isn't.  And it's SO RIDICULOUS. (And no, this is not just because I got sucked into a 'Married at First Sight' marathon and now I'm overanalyzing EVERY relationship I've ever had.)

I have been dating for at least 17 years - ever since the 8th grade when my very first boyfriend held my hand on the bus.  Our relationship lasted the three hour bus ride home from the state capital during that particular stage in life when having a boyfriend was everything that a girl needed to be popular.  Pretty sure we broke up immediately afterwards - I probably had one of my friends call one of his friends and break the bad news to him.  And that still didn't stop him from trying to feel me up during an innocent back rub during freshman year.  And sophomore year.  And probably senior year too.  (For the record - it never worked.)

During the last few years, I have gone on a lot of dates.  I'm not sure it's more than the average single person (it's actually probably not - I have friends that have gone on LOTS of dates.  Like multiple dates in a day kind of dating) - I'm not like that.  But I've still gone on my fair share of dates.  And have spent even more time talking to various dudes via messenger and text.  And generally - I can tell within a few short messages if this is something that has potential or not.

I don't mean that to sound so judgmental. But seriously. It is baffling to me how someone who is great on paper - handsome, successful, charismatic - can fall so flat on my attraction scale, while on the other hand, I can be so crazy attracted to someone who I only have a few hilarious text message exchanges with.  Is chemistry truly a result of a physical meeting?  Or is it something that we can develop before we actually lay eyes on each other?

These are the ultimate questions of dating.  How much 'foreplay' is too much?  When you meet someone via online dating (or really - any relationship where a face-to-face meeting isn't immediately possible), how long can you text, message, call, and flirt before the spark wears itself out? If the spark isn't there during initial contact - should you even bother meeting?  And heaven forbid - what if the spark is so good during the foreplay that it puts too much pressure on for the actual meeting and you blow it?  What then?

Seriously.  I'm exhausted just thinking about all these questions.

CrossFit Girls Guide to... The Rules for Dating.

Lately, I’ve had several conversations with friends about dating and what we are ‘supposed’ to do.  We live in these constraints of when to call, when to text, when to wait, what to say, what not to say.  But do these rules really matter?  Seriously.  Do they? 

I’m not sure that they do. 

Maybe I’m the wrong person to be questioning these rules, as I’m still very much the most single person alive. So I guess there’s a good chance that I’m doing everything wrong.  

I have to wonder – would things be different if we stopped living under this crazy cloak of fear that we are going to mess things up?  If we didn’t play these games of ‘I don’t want to seem too eager so I’m going to make them wait for a response’ or if we didn’t feel weird about asking for what we want – would that change things in our favor? 

I would love for someone to say what they mean and do what they say.  And if this just happens to be a hot dude who drinks whiskey and does CrossFit – even more the better. 

I’m pretty sure that I spend way more time that I should being concerned over what someone meant when they responded ‘Cool.’ to a text message.  I dwell.  I wish I could say that I didn’t – but I do.  And honestly, many of my friends do (dudes included).  And if we do, it means a lot of people do.

I have to think that some level of dwelling is natural.  I have spent the last year dwelling over something that I screwed up with someone who was actually pretty great.  See… I don’t just dwell over what other people do and say – I also dwell over the stupid stuff that I do.  We all do it – I think it’s just rare that we’ll admit it. 

I’m trying to be slightly less obsessive over the crazy unspoken (or spoken in hushed voices) rules that seem to rule the dating world today.  And I’d like to exchange these unofficial rules for a couple of official ones. 

1. Don’t say ‘Drinks definitely’ if you don’t mean ‘Drinks?! Definitely!’
2. Never use the words ‘I have quite a lot of board games’.
3. The word ‘cool’ and the 'thumbs up' emoji, don’t actually mean anything.  Use your words. 

The Selfie

Okay guys, it's time that we address a super pressing matter:  the selfie.  For some reason, this phenomenon is sweeping the social media world and it is probably my biggest pet peeve.  For those of you who aren't familiar with what a selfie is (Mom...) - here is the definition according to Wikipedia:

A selfie is a type of self-portrait photograph, typically taken with a hand-held digital camera or camera phone. In August 2013, the term selfie also made its debut in Oxford Dictionaries Online's quarterly update where it is defined as "a photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and uploaded to a social media website."

Really?  This term 'selfie' is now in the Oxford dictionary?  I'm embarrassed for my generation.  

Okay.  Back to the point at hand.  There is a time and place for a selfie - and I will not try to imply that I am above taking one.  Here are a few examples of what I consider to be appropriate selfies: 

The 'I'm pretty sure this costume makes me look like I have ginormous love handles - please confirm' selfie

The 'I'm way too excited to be going to Whistler to run in the mud! selfie
(note: only sent to other super excited to run in the mud)

The 'Sitting on the floor of our new house for the first time' selfie

The 'Making fun of Miley Cyrus's tongue' selfie

The 'I managed to fix my own hair AND do my own makeup - I'm good to go' selfie
(I actually sent this to my pet sitter to show to my dog so she didn't forget what I looked like.)

Please note that in all of these selfies - I am fully clothed and also fully aware that I look like a MORON.  I think it's okay to do selfies as long as you are aware that you look idiotic.  I really wanted to post terrible selfies of other people - but something about that just felt wrong - so let's just chat about the terrible types of selfies that there are: 

• The Car Selfie:  I have at least one, probably more like five, friends on Facebook who are CONSTANTLY posting pictures of themselves in their cars.  'Look how pretty I am driving to work!'.  'Look how pretty I am driving home from work!'  'Look how pretty I am driving to the grocery store!'  Stop.  Just stop. (The one car selfie exception?  One picture after you leave the hair salon showing off your fabulous new color.  That is it.)
• The Gym Selfie:  If you are at the gym to work out - WORK OUT.  Stop taking pictures of your abs in the mirror.  'Oh excuse me... just a minute, quick break from my workout to look sexy and take a picture'.  I hate you.
• The Bathroom Mirror Selfie:  Nothing is sexier than a photo of you with a toilet in the background.  
• The Flexing in the Mirror Selfie:  No.  NO.  NO.  

For the love of all things holy - please stop with the pointless selfies.  I don't care what you look like while getting ready for work, or while working out, or while driving your car.  Actually... no one cares.  I am much more interested in seeing pictures of you doing something interesting - selfie while on an awesome hike?  Hell yeah.  Way better than the 'look at me in my undies' selfie that seems to be sweeping the nation. 

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Remember how I said that writing that I was excited about a new guy was probably going to be the kiss of death? Well.  Apparently it was.  Effffffffffffff.... 

This one was all on me though.  (Okay.  It was a little bit on him too.)  But mostly it was just me not feeling it.  So I decided to end it instead of leading him on and ultimately hurting him worse - that's the right thing to do, right??  Well.  It doesn't feel like it.  I still feel like I hurt the guy and that makes me feel terrible. 

So what now, you ask?  Well.  I think I need to take a break from the online dating.  I am officially stressed to the max between work and coaching and life in general.  I think I have probably used my lifetime capacity for stress management and now I can just barely muster the energy to deal with one stressful thing at a time.  I haven't worked out in a week, I wake up exhausted every morning, and I literally slept almost all day yesterday (in all fairness, my power was out - bed was the only place I could stay warm). A friend told me yesterday that I sounded 'angry' - well, I'm not necessarily 'angry' - but I'm not happy either.  I'm ready to be done with the fall.  Fall is the hardest time of the year for me - it's honestly one of the last times that I remember being truly happy. From now until January - pretty much everything is a memory and that's tough to deal with.  So... from now until January - I'm working on me.  I'm done with dating for now - if someone comes along who is fantastic, that's great.  But... three months of 'me' time, is very much needed.  I am just trying to get settled into my house and spend time with my dog.  These things make me happy and right now - I'm desperately in need of doing things that make me happy.

So... what is included in 'work on me' time?  I dunno.  Maybe I'll finally pick a new color for my ground floor bathroom (sky blue doesn't do it for me).  Maybe I'll organize my garage (I have to before Thanksgiving - my dad will have a heart attack if he sees the piles of CRAP that have grown in my garage).  I'm definitely going to start going to the gym more - two days a week just isn't cutting it.  Maybe I'll actually make a recipe out of the paleo cookbooks that I have picked up (heaven forbid!).  I'm going to have the girls over for a sweatpants, wine and gossip night.  I'm going to go see the monster (my bestie's two year old).  I'm going to train my dog. I'm going to plan a vacation.

Sometimes People Just Need a High Five

And other times, people need a high five in the face.  

With a chair.  

Today is one of those days.  Actually, it started yesterday with the most ridiculous pet owners that I have ever seen letting their beasties run wild at the park.  I may be a new pet owner, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that letting your dog run unbridled up another group of dogs could result in some bad behavior and/or a dog fight.  Grace may not be the best behaved dog in the universe (but we are working on it!) - but she knows better than that (AND I know better than that!  Even as a new owner.)  Dogs may be pets, but they are still animals - and their only line of defense is to bite when they feel threatened.  Just because your dog may be fabulous around other dogs, doesn't necessarily mean that mine is.  Argh.  Stupid people. 

The stupidity of people today has ranged from terrible drivers to needing to try four different registers at Nordstrom just to buy lip gloss.  There are days where you are just over people.  Today I've decided that people suck.  

Also - my mother has requested that I spend more time doing blog posts.  I'm apparently failing miserably at this.  Recent update on my life?  Work has been crazy... it's the season of lots of things going on.  I'm just super swamped all day every day.  I've been coaching a lot lately - last week our schedule was all wonky with the absence of one of our coaches.  I have hardly been working out - like we're talking 2-3 days a week instead of my usual 5.  I've had a cold that just won't go away.  I'm just in general totally beat almost all the time. Yesterday was fantastic because I had NOTHING to do.  It was glorious.  I slept in.  I drank coffee and caught up on guilty pleasures on TV.  I took a 2 hour nap at 10am.  I went to Home Depot (I'm such a homeowner!).  I took Grace to play with Dex and Tara.  I relaxed.  I know... what is that like?!?

Oh... and I've been on a couple of dates with a guy and they've gone very well.  Since I'm pretty sure that writing about it on the blog will be the kiss of death - I'll be keeping this under wraps for a while.  Eek.  

CrossFit Girl's Guys Guide to Online Dating

So I know that I have pretty much only unsuccessfully experienced the online dating thing... and there is a good chance that I am doing a lot of things wrong.  That being said: here is a whole slew of things that the boys of the online dating world are doing wrong:

• Profile names. Just wrap this into the whole 'first impression' thing.  I would rather have a screen name that is nonsensical than 'VDSeattle' (I don't care what you meant.  Rewind and think about what it sounds like.)  'LuvBelow' (again.  Don't care what you meant.)  'INeedANewChick' (Don't we all?  Isn't that why we are all online dating? Unless you are into open relationships.  Then you fall into a whole different category.)  'TheEmptyVessel' (I get that this is Seattle and we are all emo and shit - but really?!?!?)  
• We all have guilty pleasures that we watch on tv... but we don't need to list them on our online profiles.  If a dude lists 'The Vampire Diaries' and 'Teen Wolf' as their favorite shows - nope.  Not going to happen.
• Selfies - Part 1.  Okay, we've all done them.  We are all allowed one, maybe two, on our profiles.  If ALL of your pics are selfies - you should probably know two things: #1. I'm assuming you have no friends to take an occasional picture of you.  #2.  I can probably see up your nose.  
• Selfies - Part 2. There is no excuse for ever taking a picture in the mirror while you are flexing.  This is not okay and you are a tool.  It is only okay to take pictures of yourself in the mirror when you need outfit approval from your best friend and then you delete them immediately (not that I have ever done that - I can totally dress myself).  
• Selfies - Part 3.  What is with dudes taking pictures in their cars?!?!  I only do this when I have left the salon and again need best friend approval on my new hair cut/color before anyone else sees me.   But seriously.  Why?  Why are so many selfies taken in cars? Is it the lighting?  Is it the angles?  What? I'm confused and it makes me unbelievably annoyed. 
  
• Outdoor pics.  I appreciate an outdoorsy guy, I really truly do.  But I would love to see that you don't live your life on a mountainside dressed in head-to-toe Patagonia gear.  Would you want  to see all of my pics in head-to-toe Lululemon doing CrossFit?  No. I get that you are active and that's awesome - but what else do you do? You probably don't hike Rainier every weekend (and if you do, I apologize, but you are WAY too outdoorsy for me. Turns out, I'm outdoorsy in that I like drinking on patios.)
• For the love of all things holy, please stop lying about your height.  When you say you are 5'11" and we meet and you are shorter than me - it's not because I spontaneously sprouted three inches.  It's because you are only 5'8.  Just own it.  
• 'Hey gorgeous.  Don't you think we'd make a great looking couple? '.  No 'ChiseledChuck'.  I don't.  

Seriously.

15 Things I've Learned Recently

1. The biggest perk of home ownership isn't really equity and owning something.  It's the fact that you never have to deep clean a rental ever again. 
2. Lunges and thrusters will make a three-story townhouse seem like you are doing the Big Climb at the Columbia Tower (for those of you not from Seattle - that's 76 stories as fast as possible). 
3. You know you should work on being more friendly when the neighbor you lived across the street from for almost two years welcomes you to the neighborhood.  Ummm... no, I'm moving out... not in.  
4. I have WAY too many shoes.  I have held on to shoes because no matter how many squats I do - the shoes always fit.
5. I have four pairs of the exact same shoes in different colors - taupe, magenta, black patent and silver sparkles.  Since I hardly ever wear heels, 4 1/2 inch sparkly or hot pink heels are practically out of the question. This may be a bit excessive.

   

   Not pictured?  Taupe.  Sad day for them.

6. I may be a mini-hoarder.  I have SO MANY things.  This is probably only going to get worst now that I've moved into a 'permanent' home.  
7. Hoarding actually runs in my family.  True story.  My dad and I witnessed it firsthand this summer (but that's a story for another day).  
8. I slammed my dog's tail in my car door.  I am the worst pet mama ever.  
9. When you slam your dog's tail in the car door - they get revenge by chewing the face off of one of their toys.  Stuffed animal fluff EVERYWHERE. 
10. Newest obsession?  The Newsroom.  Thank you HBO.  
11. Husky Football?  Awesome.  Went to the home opener last night and it was very cool.  
12. Not so awesome?  Super drunken UW alumni.  At what age are you too old to tailgate all day and arrive at the game a shitfaced mess?  Because I'm not quite 30 and still feel like I'm too old for that nonsense.  
13. Even more awesome than UW football?  EWU football!  Go EAGS!!  We beat Oregon State in our opening game this season... a Big Sky Conference school beating a ranked PAC12 school? We pretty much rock. 
    

    

    Hells yes.

    
    
14.  What happens when everyone at your office is out of town except for you and your IT guy?  These kind of things:

    

    Oh my Godzilla. This is Paige.  She's been one of my best friends since college.  Notice her background involves high powered guns.  Mine involves a messy desk.  This is also our best Miley Cyrus imitation.  You should have seen the twerking video.  Just kidding.  I can't even shimmy. 

15. Always say yes (not like that, you creeps).  I had a great blind date earlier this week.  I should have given a full recap - but let's just summarize it to say: it was fantastic, he seems great, and I'm excited about the idea of a second date.  And I don't want to ruin it by talking about it quite yet. :) 

Life is Like a WOD (Wait. What?!?)

Let me get just a little bit pragmatic on you here...

I know that we've all heard the famous words of Forrest Gump "life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get."  Okay... well that is definitely true, but let's face one fact: you are still eating chocolate.  And that, even at it's worst, is not THAT bad.  I've decided that life is really more like a WOD (for those of you who are unfamiliar with that - workout of the day).  Life is hard, and occasionally, we get dealt a really crappy hand - like seven rounds of running and burpees.  For each person it's different - we are all good at different things and cringe when we see others.  The thing is about the WOD - you never know what it's going to be until you walk into the gym.  You can plan on certain movements and work your butt off to improve them - but you can still be completely caught unaware when a workout calls for heavy weight and you are doing it in 95 degree weather.  Little things can totally throw off your game - and it's the same thing with life - just when you think you've got a handle on things, you get a total curveball. 

Somehow for me, dating has turned into one of the most complicated and dreaded WODs of them all.  Just when I think I have it totally in the bag - I get something like seven minutes of burpees.  Hellacious. L ife is killing me with burpees when really all I want is that elusive muscle up.  You know, the one that everyone else seems to have but you can't quite seem to figure out so you are left on the ground doing some wacky combination of dips and pull ups?!?  That's me right now.  Seriously.  Just one muscle up.  That's all I'm asking for. 

WODs are hard - they are meant to be. We do it because it's hard.  We do it because it kicks our ass and leaves us staring at the ceiling sucking wind.  We do it because of how we feel afterwards - relieved, exhilarated, accomplished, bad ass, the works. We excel at certain movements and revel in our ability to kick that WOD's ass while others leave us flat on our backs begging for it to be over.  How is that not life?!  There are highs and there are lows and if you are really lucky (and is my wish for everyone!) - the highs significantly outnumber the lows.

One of the biggest perks of CrossFit is knowing that there is an end in sight - workouts aren't that long and you really can do anything for a short amount of time - no matter how bad it is (even burpees... blah).  Keeping a positive "I can do this" attitude - even while you are getting your ass handed to you (by the WOD or life in general) - can save your life (and the sanity of those around you).   Be positive - you've got this.  

True story. 

Not Even Remotely About CrossFit (okay... maybe just a smidge)

One of my girlfriends asked me recently - why don't I blog more about my dating? Well... let's just do a quick summary of my love life shall we?  

.

Zilch.  

I've got zilch.  

It's not that I don't want to be dating.  I would LOVE to have a fantastic guy around.  But I think I'm taking a break from actively seeking one out on the interwebs.  Online dating is exhausting.  And I'm tired.  All the time.  That's what happens when you have a full time job, are doing a coaching internship AND working out 4-5 days a week.  My house is almost always a disaster, my cats feel neglected and I'm at least three weeks behind on my DVR (that's a lie, I don't have a DVR - but I do have OnDemand).  I don't even have time to see my friends - my best friend lives 30 minutes away and I haven't seen her in at least a month.  I'm a terrible friend.  

The only reason I do hang out with any of my friends now is that they are friends from the gym and we go out after our workout.  And no one cares that I am sweaty and gross looking - because they are also sweaty and gross looking.  No date would appreciate post-WOD Danielle.  This is what I look like: 

Remember this picture? Go me.

Yeah... not pretty.  Not pretty at all. 
 
It's not that I don't want to date.  Dating is awesome.  I love meeting new people. But... getting all cleaned up to go meet a complete stranger that I may or may not hit it off with when I don't even have time to see friends who I love isn't a high priority in my life right now.  

AND -- I'm sick of guys being intimidated by the fact that I do CrossFit.  Yes- I do CrossFit.  Yes- I'm decent at it.  Yes- I'm strong.  If you can't handle the fact that I can probably outlift you - I don't need any part of it.  Maybe I've gotten spoiled by the fact that  I work out with fantastic guys who are super encouraging and want nothing more than for us girls to get one more rep or 5 more lbs.  I would really just love a guy who will totally rock a 'My Girl Is Stronger Than You' shirt.  

I'm actually totally okay with not dating right now.  I'm having a blast just doing me.  I'm busy and enjoying every minute of it (okay... that may be an exaggeration... but I enjoy MOST minutes of it).  So... the summary of my recent dating experiences?  Nada. 

On the positive side:  being single has given me WAY more time to practice cooking.  Here's a quick recipe for best steak rub ever: 

Coffee Spice Rub
2T coffee (I used Seattle's Best #4. I like my coffee darker and thought this had great flavor)
1t Cinnamon
1/2t Smoked Paprika
1/2t Cumin
A pinch of cayenne pepper (just for a little punch)
Salt (I used Himalayn Pink Sea Salt as it is AWESOME.  And pink.)  

Delicious.  Make it ASAP.  Actually, ditch whatever you were planning to make for dinner tonight and make steak.  It's a great plan.