The Rules of Attraction (Or Lack There Of)

Attraction is a funny beast.  It's one of those things that sometimes it's there - and sometimes, it just isn't.  And it's SO RIDICULOUS. (And no, this is not just because I got sucked into a 'Married at First Sight' marathon and now I'm overanalyzing EVERY relationship I've ever had.)

I have been dating for at least 17 years - ever since the 8th grade when my very first boyfriend held my hand on the bus.  Our relationship lasted the three hour bus ride home from the state capital during that particular stage in life when having a boyfriend was everything that a girl needed to be popular.  Pretty sure we broke up immediately afterwards - I probably had one of my friends call one of his friends and break the bad news to him.  And that still didn't stop him from trying to feel me up during an innocent back rub during freshman year.  And sophomore year.  And probably senior year too.  (For the record - it never worked.)

During the last few years, I have gone on a lot of dates.  I'm not sure it's more than the average single person (it's actually probably not - I have friends that have gone on LOTS of dates.  Like multiple dates in a day kind of dating) - I'm not like that.  But I've still gone on my fair share of dates.  And have spent even more time talking to various dudes via messenger and text.  And generally - I can tell within a few short messages if this is something that has potential or not.

I don't mean that to sound so judgmental. But seriously. It is baffling to me how someone who is great on paper - handsome, successful, charismatic - can fall so flat on my attraction scale, while on the other hand, I can be so crazy attracted to someone who I only have a few hilarious text message exchanges with.  Is chemistry truly a result of a physical meeting?  Or is it something that we can develop before we actually lay eyes on each other?

These are the ultimate questions of dating.  How much 'foreplay' is too much?  When you meet someone via online dating (or really - any relationship where a face-to-face meeting isn't immediately possible), how long can you text, message, call, and flirt before the spark wears itself out? If the spark isn't there during initial contact - should you even bother meeting?  And heaven forbid - what if the spark is so good during the foreplay that it puts too much pressure on for the actual meeting and you blow it?  What then?

Seriously.  I'm exhausted just thinking about all these questions.

CrossFit Girls Guide to... The Rules for Dating.

Lately, I’ve had several conversations with friends about dating and what we are ‘supposed’ to do.  We live in these constraints of when to call, when to text, when to wait, what to say, what not to say.  But do these rules really matter?  Seriously.  Do they? 

I’m not sure that they do. 

Maybe I’m the wrong person to be questioning these rules, as I’m still very much the most single person alive. So I guess there’s a good chance that I’m doing everything wrong.  

I have to wonder – would things be different if we stopped living under this crazy cloak of fear that we are going to mess things up?  If we didn’t play these games of ‘I don’t want to seem too eager so I’m going to make them wait for a response’ or if we didn’t feel weird about asking for what we want – would that change things in our favor? 

I would love for someone to say what they mean and do what they say.  And if this just happens to be a hot dude who drinks whiskey and does CrossFit – even more the better. 

I’m pretty sure that I spend way more time that I should being concerned over what someone meant when they responded ‘Cool.’ to a text message.  I dwell.  I wish I could say that I didn’t – but I do.  And honestly, many of my friends do (dudes included).  And if we do, it means a lot of people do.

I have to think that some level of dwelling is natural.  I have spent the last year dwelling over something that I screwed up with someone who was actually pretty great.  See… I don’t just dwell over what other people do and say – I also dwell over the stupid stuff that I do.  We all do it – I think it’s just rare that we’ll admit it. 

I’m trying to be slightly less obsessive over the crazy unspoken (or spoken in hushed voices) rules that seem to rule the dating world today.  And I’d like to exchange these unofficial rules for a couple of official ones. 

1. Don’t say ‘Drinks definitely’ if you don’t mean ‘Drinks?! Definitely!’
2. Never use the words ‘I have quite a lot of board games’.
3. The word ‘cool’ and the 'thumbs up' emoji, don’t actually mean anything.  Use your words. 

Fail. Total Fail.

My puppy is regressing.  This is what I came home to today... 

Busted.  This is the shame face.  Bad dog.  Bad bad dog. 

She's been so good lately.  But this is the definition of 'not good'.  She even ate $20.  Not adorable at all. 

Ummm... what else?  I've had just about the most random week so far.  A couple of highlights from the week: 

• I actually had to use the sentence 'If you are going to say 'swingers', please whisper it so the class doesn't hear it.'  
• I got matched with one of my guy friends on my online dating profile.  Nothing is more hilarious and unexpected than opening up your email to a picture of your friends face announcing your daily perfect matches.  Of course we're 96% compatible - that's why we're friends.  

On a CrossFit note: they announced the first two workouts for The Bacon Beatdown.  First off, ear-to-ear pullups are not a real thing and I hate them. It's not pretty when I try to do them.  It's actually really ugly.  I flail.  On the positive side - my mom was super encouraging and told me that doing one was awesome (thanks mom!!!).  Unfortunately, I have to do six before I can move on to the next movement.  And that's only one round.  

WOD #1: 
9 min AMRAP
6 ear-to-ear pullups (eeeeffffffffffffffffffff...)
12 kb swings (Russian, 16kg)
15 goblet squats

Well.  I may get thru one round if I'm lucky.  

WOD #2 was announced tonight and this one I'm actually feeling good about:  

5 mins of thrusters at the weight of your choice: 75/95/125

Score is total volume: reps x weight -- so I've got to figure out what my best strategy is - lower weight, higher reps?  Or higher weight, lower reps??  At least I'm strong.  So... there's that.  

Only 4 more announcements to go.  

Barbara = Sore. Oh So Sore.

You know what is happening right now?  My best friend has determined that my online dating profile isn't sufficient and she has taken it over.  Not kidding.  Took it over.  New profile.  New password.  New everything.  I'm pretty sure that she will just let me know where/when I need to be for a date (assuming that I actually get a date).  This is happening.  I'm not sure whether to be psyched or terrified.  

On another note... this week has been tough.  Work (yes, that real job... that place I have to go every day in order to pay my mortgage) has been stressful.  I haven't been able to make it to the gym to workout because between my work schedule and my coaching schedule - I've been running around like a crazy person.  So... I was incredibly grateful to have exactly zero plans on my schedule yesterday.  I cleaned my house (kinda), I caught up on laundry (kinda), I played with Grace (inside... because it was POURING outside).  I went to the gym and did Barbara.  Ouch.  No... seriously.  Ouch.  5 rounds... 20 pullups, 30 push ups, 40 sit ups, 50 squats.  It took me over 46 minutes (with 3 minutes of rest between rounds)... yowza.  I rolled over in bed this morning and had to take an inventory of what I could move and what I couldn't.  Turns out that everything hurts.  Sitting on the couch hurts.  Walking the dog hurts.  Making eggs hurts.  Washing my hair is totally not happening.  

Except for the times when it's just pain.  Like today.  Lots and lots of pain.

On another another note... I have two weeks until the Bacon Beatdown.  And I'm freaking out.  Eek.  I met another girl last week who is doing it and she was so damn enthusiastic.  She's practically brand new to CrossFit (probably hence the first competition enthusiasm) but her 'I'm going to kill it' enthusiasm was mildly intimidating (don't tell).  I know I'm strong.  I know I can do everything that they listed for standards in my division.  I know that I can suck it up and do burpees quickly if I need to (argh).  I've just been so busy and so stressed out that I need to prove it to myself again.  Okay... kick ass workouts are officially on the agenda this week.  Of course, I probably need to be able to move my arms again (whose idea was it to do Barbara again?!?!?!?!). 

Life is Like a WOD (Wait. What?!?)

Let me get just a little bit pragmatic on you here...

I know that we've all heard the famous words of Forrest Gump "life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get."  Okay... well that is definitely true, but let's face one fact: you are still eating chocolate.  And that, even at it's worst, is not THAT bad.  I've decided that life is really more like a WOD (for those of you who are unfamiliar with that - workout of the day).  Life is hard, and occasionally, we get dealt a really crappy hand - like seven rounds of running and burpees.  For each person it's different - we are all good at different things and cringe when we see others.  The thing is about the WOD - you never know what it's going to be until you walk into the gym.  You can plan on certain movements and work your butt off to improve them - but you can still be completely caught unaware when a workout calls for heavy weight and you are doing it in 95 degree weather.  Little things can totally throw off your game - and it's the same thing with life - just when you think you've got a handle on things, you get a total curveball. 

Somehow for me, dating has turned into one of the most complicated and dreaded WODs of them all.  Just when I think I have it totally in the bag - I get something like seven minutes of burpees.  Hellacious. L ife is killing me with burpees when really all I want is that elusive muscle up.  You know, the one that everyone else seems to have but you can't quite seem to figure out so you are left on the ground doing some wacky combination of dips and pull ups?!?  That's me right now.  Seriously.  Just one muscle up.  That's all I'm asking for. 

WODs are hard - they are meant to be. We do it because it's hard.  We do it because it kicks our ass and leaves us staring at the ceiling sucking wind.  We do it because of how we feel afterwards - relieved, exhilarated, accomplished, bad ass, the works. We excel at certain movements and revel in our ability to kick that WOD's ass while others leave us flat on our backs begging for it to be over.  How is that not life?!  There are highs and there are lows and if you are really lucky (and is my wish for everyone!) - the highs significantly outnumber the lows.

One of the biggest perks of CrossFit is knowing that there is an end in sight - workouts aren't that long and you really can do anything for a short amount of time - no matter how bad it is (even burpees... blah).  Keeping a positive "I can do this" attitude - even while you are getting your ass handed to you (by the WOD or life in general) - can save your life (and the sanity of those around you).   Be positive - you've got this.  

True story. 

Cooking for One? Not A Chance.

I try not to spend a lot of time ranting about the joys of singledom, but let me just take a minute to share my most recent complaint: 

I am ALWAYS cooking for two even though I am just one.  And I refuse to buy a 'Cooking for One' cookbook.  That's just sad.  One may say "Bonus!  You always have leftovers!".  Well... this is only good in a couple of scenarios: 1) it would taste decent the next day (hot or cold), and 2) what I made was actually edible in the first place (questionable at best).  As almost everyone in the Facebook universe has recently learned - this week I made 3 lbs of pulled pork.  Well... 3lbs turns out to be A LOT.  And although I got some really good ideas from people on how to prepare and eat it for the rest of my life - there is one really big stipulation that I forgot to mention - I don't actually like pulled pork.  (Yeah... I kinda forgot that before I made it too.)  I REALLY like pulled pork sandwiches that are drenched in BBQ sauce - but that's is because I REALLY like BBQ sauce.  Moral of the story?  BBQ sauce is not allowed on my current diet because of the ridiculously high sugar content (which is probably why I like it in the first place).  So I have approximately 2 1/2 lbs of meat in my fridge that I don't even like.  Shit. 

So there's that. 

I'm attempting to plan out my meals a week in advance so I only have to go to the grocery store once.  This is great... assuming that you remember a pen to cross off your items and don't end up missing at least half a dozen because they all blend together on your list of uncrossed out items.  Total fail.  The end result of meal planning?  TONS of food.  Not enough Tupperware (who wants to go to Costco this weekend?!). Desperate cravings for things that I didn't include in my week of meals resulting in even more trips to the grocery store.  Huge appreciation for my mom being able to do this while I was growing up - I can barely successfully feed myself - the idea of feeding an entire family every day makes me feel like hyperventilating.  

Anyways... enough about food.

Other miscellaneous life items for your enjoyment: 

• I do not need to date someone who is CrossFit obsessed but for the love of all things holy, if I meet one more guy who says 'You do CrossFit? Does that mean you can beat me up?', I'm going to run him over with my car. 
• Coaching is going spectacularly well (or at least I like to think it is).  I'm not 100% sure that the athletes in my classes think I'm as funny as I think I am... but that's a whole different story.  People are learning, people are lifting and no one has gotten hurt on my watch.  Winning!!
• Whatever moron makes women's dresses with the zipper in the back was obviously in a relationship.  Now that it is summer/dress season - I have had way too many days where I have to come to work half-dressed and have a coworker zip me up.  And yes... I'm aware that they make hooky things for zippers so I can take care of it myself.  Just put those is in the same category as cookbooks for single people. 
• Tough Mudder is next weekend.  Am I prepared?  Not so much.  I've run three times in the last month.  Does that count as training?  No?  Shit.  However, I am super psyched to go to Whistler, hang out with some of my favorite peeps, and get a little dirty.
• I had a date last night that didn't suck.  YAY!  Either my dating expectations have been significantly lowered or this guy was actually really fun.  (I'm leaning towards the latter.)  This is a huge improvement off of last week's terrible date that resulted in a 'I'm going to be 30 and single FOREVER' bout of grumpiness that everyone who talked to me at the gym on Saturday morning was lucky enough to experience. Whoops.  Sorry guys.     
• I need new workout shoes.  I am going through shoes like crazy and it's been months since I got new ones (and my oly lifters don't count).  Any suggestions?  I'm thinking about Nanos... but I really love my Nike Frees.  Life dilemma. 

Darn right.

Umm... I think that's it.  Adios peeps.  (Yes... I know that this post was more of a 'life update' than actually being useful to anyone.  My bad.  I will work more on useful information.)

Not Even Remotely About CrossFit (okay... maybe just a smidge)

One of my girlfriends asked me recently - why don't I blog more about my dating? Well... let's just do a quick summary of my love life shall we?  

.

Zilch.  

I've got zilch.  

It's not that I don't want to be dating.  I would LOVE to have a fantastic guy around.  But I think I'm taking a break from actively seeking one out on the interwebs.  Online dating is exhausting.  And I'm tired.  All the time.  That's what happens when you have a full time job, are doing a coaching internship AND working out 4-5 days a week.  My house is almost always a disaster, my cats feel neglected and I'm at least three weeks behind on my DVR (that's a lie, I don't have a DVR - but I do have OnDemand).  I don't even have time to see my friends - my best friend lives 30 minutes away and I haven't seen her in at least a month.  I'm a terrible friend.  

The only reason I do hang out with any of my friends now is that they are friends from the gym and we go out after our workout.  And no one cares that I am sweaty and gross looking - because they are also sweaty and gross looking.  No date would appreciate post-WOD Danielle.  This is what I look like: 

Remember this picture? Go me.

Yeah... not pretty.  Not pretty at all. 
 
It's not that I don't want to date.  Dating is awesome.  I love meeting new people. But... getting all cleaned up to go meet a complete stranger that I may or may not hit it off with when I don't even have time to see friends who I love isn't a high priority in my life right now.  

AND -- I'm sick of guys being intimidated by the fact that I do CrossFit.  Yes- I do CrossFit.  Yes- I'm decent at it.  Yes- I'm strong.  If you can't handle the fact that I can probably outlift you - I don't need any part of it.  Maybe I've gotten spoiled by the fact that  I work out with fantastic guys who are super encouraging and want nothing more than for us girls to get one more rep or 5 more lbs.  I would really just love a guy who will totally rock a 'My Girl Is Stronger Than You' shirt.  

I'm actually totally okay with not dating right now.  I'm having a blast just doing me.  I'm busy and enjoying every minute of it (okay... that may be an exaggeration... but I enjoy MOST minutes of it).  So... the summary of my recent dating experiences?  Nada. 

On the positive side:  being single has given me WAY more time to practice cooking.  Here's a quick recipe for best steak rub ever: 

Coffee Spice Rub
2T coffee (I used Seattle's Best #4. I like my coffee darker and thought this had great flavor)
1t Cinnamon
1/2t Smoked Paprika
1/2t Cumin
A pinch of cayenne pepper (just for a little punch)
Salt (I used Himalayn Pink Sea Salt as it is AWESOME.  And pink.)  

Delicious.  Make it ASAP.  Actually, ditch whatever you were planning to make for dinner tonight and make steak.  It's a great plan.