Merry Christmas Y'All!

Merry Christmas y'all! Tis the season - the presents have been unwrapped, the annual Molle Mexican food fiesta is in the oven, 'A Christmas Story' has been watched at least twice, and I'm drinking my 2pm glass of wine (don't judge me - it's a holiday). 

This time of year can be incredibly stressful for some people - myself included (hence the 2pm glass of wine).  I think it's very easy for people to review the last year and start to panic about all the things left undone, messed up, or not yet started.  It's even easier when you start to add massive amounts of family time into that and all the inevitable questions that come from great aunt Shirley, like - why aren't you married?  how is your job?  why can't you deadlift 300 pounds yet? yada, yada, yada.  (For the record, I don't have a great Aunt Shirley - but I do picture the voice in my head sometimes.  And if I did have a great Aunt Shirley - she'd probably not ask me about my deadlift.)

So... instead of thinking of the unfinished, questionable, and bad things from 2013 - I've decided to take a minute to review what went well.  So... here are some of the highlights of 2013:

• Started the year with friends in Tahoe. Fabulous trip.  Got back to Seattle just in time to do my first CrossFit competition.  Didn't do well but had an awesome time.  Also, didn't die.  Victory!
• Became a CrossFit coach.  Scary but fabulous.  So glad I did it.  
• Ran Tough Mudder Whistler.  Okay... by ran, I really mean ran/walked/complained for 13 miles.  But didn't die. Victory!  (And now that I've forgotten how badly it hurt, I would totally do it again.) 
• Bought a house and rescued a dog.  Pretty much turned my life upside down.
• Competed in my first solo CrossFit competition (Bacon Beatdown).  Didn't do bad.  Didn't do well.  But didn't die.  Came in right in the middle.  Victory!
• Competed in my third CrossFit competition with a team of friends - did well!  Didn't win. Didn't even feel close to dying.  Victory!
• Left my job.  Am taking early retirement.  (Just kidding.  I'm totally looking for another job.)

So... instead of being stressed about all your 2013 to-dos that have been left undone - how about you take a minute to make your own highlight list?  Look forward to 2014 and a chance to get it all done.  That's what I'm doing anyways. 

What Are You Thankful For?

Happy Thanksgiving y'all!  Today's the day when we gather with our family and friends to salivate in the kitchen for hours and then eat ourselves into a tryptophan-induced coma while watching too much football and drinking too many cocktails. (What? That's not the norm for you?)

Check it.  I made a turkey.  It's a mini turkey.  But a turkey nonetheless.

While you are spending your time overindulging, I hope that you are also able to take a second to be thankful (after all - that is the reason for the day.  Contrary to popular belief, it's not just the day before Black Friday.). Today, we will eat more food than some people get to see in a month and we are safe and warm in our homes surrounded by loved ones.  There are a lot of things that aren't perfect - but today, instead of complaining, try to embrace the things that are pretty darn good. 

Today, I'm thankful for a lot.  My parents are here to share the holiday with me and help me with things around the house which is much appreciated.  They brought their adorable puppy who makes everything just a little bit better (I mean, really, EVERYTHING is better with a puppy).  The Cowboys are losing (scratch that, the Cowboys won. Damnit.).  I've managed to not burn down my house while cooking Thanksgiving dinner (although it was touch and go for a bit). I have the best friends in the world (you know who you are!) - you keep me sane, you deal with my neurosis and you are just generally the best.  I'm pretty much just thankful to have the life that I have.  No, it's not always perfect (it's actually usually a hot mess) but it is what it is and I'm making the best of it!

So... what are you thankful for? 

A CrossFit Girl's Guide to Surviving the Holidays

Tis the season. For crazy food consumption, lots and lots of drinking, sequins and sparkles, and mistletoe (oh please, let there be mistletoe!). From tomorrow (Thanksgiving) until the second weekend in January, I will eat approximately my body weight in food (and not healthy food) and drink at least that many holiday themed beverages - come'on, red wine is totally holiday themed.  Red?  Duh. 

How is a girl to manage all the food and crazy holiday party business without putting on 10lbs of sugar/bready/non-paleo diet weight?  Good freaking question.  For the next two months, here are my general life goals:

• Make time to workout at least three times a week. 
• Pass on the bread bowl.  I'm definitely not going to skip on all of the next two months of sweets/breads/holiday goodness - that's torture.  But... I can pass on the breadbowl.  
• Social drinking only!  There are enough social events for the next two months that I'm literally running around several days a week.  (Just for clarification sake - 'social' only has to entail one other person. I don't want to set the standard too high.)

In other words - try not to do what I do every other year - gorge on sweets, drink too much, and abstain from athletic activity. (I say this as I am making candied yams.  Pretty much my favorite dish ever with only three ingredients - yams, brown sugar and butter.  Delicious.  And awful for me.  AND... I didn't go to the gym today. Winning!) 

I'm also hosting Thanksgiving this year.  First Thanksgiving in my new house.  My folks are here from MT and they brought their adorable, 8-week old puppy.  She's really so ridiculously cute and is having a blast jumping all over my dogs head.  If anyone wants to join the chaos - we'll have plenty of food (and I've got enough booze to survive the zombie apocalypse) and I can bribe you with an adorable puppy to play with. 

See?  Who can say no to this face?!

Moving Forward

I wasn't sure how much about this I wanted to say - but yesterday was a weird day.  One of the weirdest that I've ever had.  It wasn't bad.  It wasn't good.  It was just weird.  Yesterday, I walked out the door of the company that I've been at for six years - and I'm not going back.  

No. I don't have a new job.  No. I don't know what I'm doing next. I am simultaneously excited and terrified. I haven't been happy where I'm at and have needed to look for a new job for a long time.  It's time.  Taking those steps out the door yesterday was the most relieving and the most terrifying thing that I have done in almost two years.  (And to clarify, even though it would have been totally badass - I didn't just walk out - I've spent the last week wrapping things up and leaving notes for everyone still there.  Like a responsible and professional adult.)

What now?  I don't know exactly.  It's the holidays so it will be nice to have a little bit of time off.  Financially, I'll be just fine for a while (as long as I stay far, far away from Lululemon and Nordies).  I'm excited to be able to take the time to look for something that I'll love.  I know that these things don't happen overnight, but I've got some really great people guiding me where they can and I have no doubt with a little time that I'll find something great.  (Do I sound confident?  Because I'm really trying.)

So.  Wish me luck.  Life is too short to be at a job that is sucking the life out of you. 

 Inspirational quote for the day:

In other news.  I have been cleared by my chiropractor and PT to compete in the Toys for Tots Throwdown next weekend.  Yay!  My back is doing much better and as long as I hold on to the pull up bar - I should be fine.  I probably won't PR my deadlift - but we'll see.  And my folks will be there to to see their first CrossFit competition - I'll probably have to keep my swearing to a minimum - although burpees usually make me sprew the F-word.  

Til next time, y'all. 

Pride Goeth...

Okay... we all know the proverb "pride goeth before a fall".  Well.  I am here to be the walking, limping example of that.  

Last week, I fell and fell HARD off of a pull-up bar doing kipping pull-ups during a warm-up.  The warm-up people, the WARM-UP.  I can't even claim that I was in the throes of a hard workout - nope.  I was just making sure that I had my kip down.  Turns out - I didn't.  

Pride wasn't really my whole issue - although it was definitely a part of it.  My biggest problem was lack of focus. I figured that I knew what I was doing enough to not need to give it my full focus.  As I was staring up at the ceiling from the flat of my back - I realized that I should have been giving 100%.  Instead of thinking about what I was doing - I was three steps ahead instead of being in the here and now.  

I am currently paying for my lack of focus.  I slipped off the pull-up bar on while kipping and landed right on my back.  According to my chiropractor and PT, I've got a deep bruise, some sprained ligaments and jarred my hip pretty darn hard.  Sitting, laying down, standing - it's all some level of uncomfortable.  But... it is getting better.  I'm optimistic that in a few days, it will be fine (keep your fingers crossed for me anyways because this walking like an old person is just not cutting it!).  

An additional downside of maiming myself?  I missed the Mustache Dache.  I went and cheered the team on but I was obviously not running it (my chiropractor actually told me that I wasn't even allowed to think about it).  But here's a picture of the amazing team from Sound CrossFit:

Great job Team Snatch 'n Dache!!!! Next year, I am totally running this with you guys!

The Selfie

Okay guys, it's time that we address a super pressing matter:  the selfie.  For some reason, this phenomenon is sweeping the social media world and it is probably my biggest pet peeve.  For those of you who aren't familiar with what a selfie is (Mom...) - here is the definition according to Wikipedia:

A selfie is a type of self-portrait photograph, typically taken with a hand-held digital camera or camera phone. In August 2013, the term selfie also made its debut in Oxford Dictionaries Online's quarterly update where it is defined as "a photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and uploaded to a social media website."

Really?  This term 'selfie' is now in the Oxford dictionary?  I'm embarrassed for my generation.  

Okay.  Back to the point at hand.  There is a time and place for a selfie - and I will not try to imply that I am above taking one.  Here are a few examples of what I consider to be appropriate selfies: 

The 'I'm pretty sure this costume makes me look like I have ginormous love handles - please confirm' selfie

The 'I'm way too excited to be going to Whistler to run in the mud! selfie
(note: only sent to other super excited to run in the mud)

The 'Sitting on the floor of our new house for the first time' selfie

The 'Making fun of Miley Cyrus's tongue' selfie

The 'I managed to fix my own hair AND do my own makeup - I'm good to go' selfie
(I actually sent this to my pet sitter to show to my dog so she didn't forget what I looked like.)

Please note that in all of these selfies - I am fully clothed and also fully aware that I look like a MORON.  I think it's okay to do selfies as long as you are aware that you look idiotic.  I really wanted to post terrible selfies of other people - but something about that just felt wrong - so let's just chat about the terrible types of selfies that there are: 

• The Car Selfie:  I have at least one, probably more like five, friends on Facebook who are CONSTANTLY posting pictures of themselves in their cars.  'Look how pretty I am driving to work!'.  'Look how pretty I am driving home from work!'  'Look how pretty I am driving to the grocery store!'  Stop.  Just stop. (The one car selfie exception?  One picture after you leave the hair salon showing off your fabulous new color.  That is it.)
• The Gym Selfie:  If you are at the gym to work out - WORK OUT.  Stop taking pictures of your abs in the mirror.  'Oh excuse me... just a minute, quick break from my workout to look sexy and take a picture'.  I hate you.
• The Bathroom Mirror Selfie:  Nothing is sexier than a photo of you with a toilet in the background.  
• The Flexing in the Mirror Selfie:  No.  NO.  NO.  

For the love of all things holy - please stop with the pointless selfies.  I don't care what you look like while getting ready for work, or while working out, or while driving your car.  Actually... no one cares.  I am much more interested in seeing pictures of you doing something interesting - selfie while on an awesome hike?  Hell yeah.  Way better than the 'look at me in my undies' selfie that seems to be sweeping the nation. 

CrossFit Truths

Lately, I've had several people look at me like I'm nuts when I say that I do CrossFit.  Here are a list of the general 'are you crazy?!' statements that come along with the looks AND my rebuttals: 

"What are you?  Like really strong? "

No.  I am not 'really strong'.  But I am strong.  And I have worked my butt off to get there.  I didn't walk in to the gym on my first day strong.  Yes, some of strength can be contributed to your body build and athleticism - but I've worked hard to increase my one rep maxes and to get 'strong'.  

"Isn't that super expensive?"

 Well.  CrossFit isn't cheap.  I will be the first to admit that.  BUT... here is a list of other things that aren't cheap: yoga, pilates, kickboxing, designer handbags, dinners at Canlis, Lululemon, massages, wine clubs, Louboutins, and trips to Bali.  (Okay, obviously, this isn't an extensive list.)  

I have no idea where this came from - but it was posted on the gym's Facebook page and I love it.  So true.  That being said, don't try to come between me and my fancy handbags. 

"Aren't you afraid you are going to get bulky?"

 Do I look bulky?? (Think before you answer that.)  

Side note: I put on a pair of my super stretchy skinny jeans (some may call them jeggings - but I refuse) this weekend and I looked like the hulk.  My quads have gotten extremely strong looking (but only in one pair of pants).  Yay?

 "Ew.  Don't you sweat a lot?"

Ummm...  Yes.  There is a lot of sweat.  Gross stinky sweat.  In my opinion, a little sweat never hurt anybody.  The benefits of sweat seriously out weigh the downsides (downsides being stinky, damp, hmmm... is there more?? Probably.)  What cracks me up most about this is I've actually had someone ask me this who swears by hot yoga.  

 "Isn't CrossFit like a total cult?"

Yes.  And I drank the kool-aid.  

NO!  We are not like a cult.  Just like being a sorority is not a cult either. Cults are scary things that usually result in a mass murder/suicide (and no, I totally didn't watch a three-hour documentary on cults one time - I'm WAY cooler than that). Okay... if CrossFit IS a cult - it's the kind of cult I want to be involved in: promoting healthy living with a great community of people who support each other?  Sold.  

Side note: Thank you to Jonestown for giving us the ever relevant reference of 'drank the kool-aid'.  Cyanide laced beverages?  Where do I sign up?

"Isn't CrossFit a guy thing?"

No response.  Just no response. 

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Remember how I said that writing that I was excited about a new guy was probably going to be the kiss of death? Well.  Apparently it was.  Effffffffffffff.... 

This one was all on me though.  (Okay.  It was a little bit on him too.)  But mostly it was just me not feeling it.  So I decided to end it instead of leading him on and ultimately hurting him worse - that's the right thing to do, right??  Well.  It doesn't feel like it.  I still feel like I hurt the guy and that makes me feel terrible. 

So what now, you ask?  Well.  I think I need to take a break from the online dating.  I am officially stressed to the max between work and coaching and life in general.  I think I have probably used my lifetime capacity for stress management and now I can just barely muster the energy to deal with one stressful thing at a time.  I haven't worked out in a week, I wake up exhausted every morning, and I literally slept almost all day yesterday (in all fairness, my power was out - bed was the only place I could stay warm). A friend told me yesterday that I sounded 'angry' - well, I'm not necessarily 'angry' - but I'm not happy either.  I'm ready to be done with the fall.  Fall is the hardest time of the year for me - it's honestly one of the last times that I remember being truly happy. From now until January - pretty much everything is a memory and that's tough to deal with.  So... from now until January - I'm working on me.  I'm done with dating for now - if someone comes along who is fantastic, that's great.  But... three months of 'me' time, is very much needed.  I am just trying to get settled into my house and spend time with my dog.  These things make me happy and right now - I'm desperately in need of doing things that make me happy.

So... what is included in 'work on me' time?  I dunno.  Maybe I'll finally pick a new color for my ground floor bathroom (sky blue doesn't do it for me).  Maybe I'll organize my garage (I have to before Thanksgiving - my dad will have a heart attack if he sees the piles of CRAP that have grown in my garage).  I'm definitely going to start going to the gym more - two days a week just isn't cutting it.  Maybe I'll actually make a recipe out of the paleo cookbooks that I have picked up (heaven forbid!).  I'm going to have the girls over for a sweatpants, wine and gossip night.  I'm going to go see the monster (my bestie's two year old).  I'm going to train my dog. I'm going to plan a vacation.

Sometimes People Just Need a High Five

And other times, people need a high five in the face.  

With a chair.  

Today is one of those days.  Actually, it started yesterday with the most ridiculous pet owners that I have ever seen letting their beasties run wild at the park.  I may be a new pet owner, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that letting your dog run unbridled up another group of dogs could result in some bad behavior and/or a dog fight.  Grace may not be the best behaved dog in the universe (but we are working on it!) - but she knows better than that (AND I know better than that!  Even as a new owner.)  Dogs may be pets, but they are still animals - and their only line of defense is to bite when they feel threatened.  Just because your dog may be fabulous around other dogs, doesn't necessarily mean that mine is.  Argh.  Stupid people. 

The stupidity of people today has ranged from terrible drivers to needing to try four different registers at Nordstrom just to buy lip gloss.  There are days where you are just over people.  Today I've decided that people suck.  

Also - my mother has requested that I spend more time doing blog posts.  I'm apparently failing miserably at this.  Recent update on my life?  Work has been crazy... it's the season of lots of things going on.  I'm just super swamped all day every day.  I've been coaching a lot lately - last week our schedule was all wonky with the absence of one of our coaches.  I have hardly been working out - like we're talking 2-3 days a week instead of my usual 5.  I've had a cold that just won't go away.  I'm just in general totally beat almost all the time. Yesterday was fantastic because I had NOTHING to do.  It was glorious.  I slept in.  I drank coffee and caught up on guilty pleasures on TV.  I took a 2 hour nap at 10am.  I went to Home Depot (I'm such a homeowner!).  I took Grace to play with Dex and Tara.  I relaxed.  I know... what is that like?!?

Oh... and I've been on a couple of dates with a guy and they've gone very well.  Since I'm pretty sure that writing about it on the blog will be the kiss of death - I'll be keeping this under wraps for a while.  Eek.  

The Next Challenge

For the last two months, I've been making goals and working on hitting them in order to be ready for the Beatdown.  Even though I didn't do as well as I was hoping to do, I'm still pretty pleased with my performance.  So what's the next big thing?  Who knows.  And I could really use someone to help me decide - any ideas?

In the meantime, I have signed up for a 5K.  The Mustache Dache to be exact.  Why in the world would I want to do a 5K?  Good freaking question.  I have no idea.  Okay, actually I do have an idea.  Simply just because the theme is mustaches.  There really isn't a better theme than mustaches for a 5K.  I designed awesome mustache themed t shirts, I found press-on mustaches (to which I was quickly shown up by PINK mustaches! Thanks Barb!), and bought sweet stackable mustache wristbands.  So... I guess my next challenge is to run a 5K without passing out or crying.  Since I keep meeting marathon runners lately, I feel like a 5K is a wimpy kind of challenge.  But for me, it's huge.  I'm not entirely sure that I've ever run 3.2 miles without stopping.  Hmmm... (the awesome outfit that I am going to wear is what is keeping me enthusiastic right now.  That and the beer garden at the end.)

CrossFit Girl's Guys Guide to Online Dating

So I know that I have pretty much only unsuccessfully experienced the online dating thing... and there is a good chance that I am doing a lot of things wrong.  That being said: here is a whole slew of things that the boys of the online dating world are doing wrong:

• Profile names. Just wrap this into the whole 'first impression' thing.  I would rather have a screen name that is nonsensical than 'VDSeattle' (I don't care what you meant.  Rewind and think about what it sounds like.)  'LuvBelow' (again.  Don't care what you meant.)  'INeedANewChick' (Don't we all?  Isn't that why we are all online dating? Unless you are into open relationships.  Then you fall into a whole different category.)  'TheEmptyVessel' (I get that this is Seattle and we are all emo and shit - but really?!?!?)  
• We all have guilty pleasures that we watch on tv... but we don't need to list them on our online profiles.  If a dude lists 'The Vampire Diaries' and 'Teen Wolf' as their favorite shows - nope.  Not going to happen.
• Selfies - Part 1.  Okay, we've all done them.  We are all allowed one, maybe two, on our profiles.  If ALL of your pics are selfies - you should probably know two things: #1. I'm assuming you have no friends to take an occasional picture of you.  #2.  I can probably see up your nose.  
• Selfies - Part 2. There is no excuse for ever taking a picture in the mirror while you are flexing.  This is not okay and you are a tool.  It is only okay to take pictures of yourself in the mirror when you need outfit approval from your best friend and then you delete them immediately (not that I have ever done that - I can totally dress myself).  
• Selfies - Part 3.  What is with dudes taking pictures in their cars?!?!  I only do this when I have left the salon and again need best friend approval on my new hair cut/color before anyone else sees me.   But seriously.  Why?  Why are so many selfies taken in cars? Is it the lighting?  Is it the angles?  What? I'm confused and it makes me unbelievably annoyed. 
  
• Outdoor pics.  I appreciate an outdoorsy guy, I really truly do.  But I would love to see that you don't live your life on a mountainside dressed in head-to-toe Patagonia gear.  Would you want  to see all of my pics in head-to-toe Lululemon doing CrossFit?  No. I get that you are active and that's awesome - but what else do you do? You probably don't hike Rainier every weekend (and if you do, I apologize, but you are WAY too outdoorsy for me. Turns out, I'm outdoorsy in that I like drinking on patios.)
• For the love of all things holy, please stop lying about your height.  When you say you are 5'11" and we meet and you are shorter than me - it's not because I spontaneously sprouted three inches.  It's because you are only 5'8.  Just own it.  
• 'Hey gorgeous.  Don't you think we'd make a great looking couple? '.  No 'ChiseledChuck'.  I don't.  

Seriously.

Bacon Beatdown Recap

Hey y'all!  It's finally Bacon Beatdown weekend.  Eek!  I signed up for this in August and October felt like SUPER far away.  Turns out, it came WAY faster than I was expecting.  Here is a rundown of the workouts: 

WOD #1
5 minutes of thruster for total volume
Weight x reps = total score

WOD #2
6 ear-to-ear pullups (I know, WTF are those?!?!)
12 kb swings (36 lbs)
15 goblet squats

WOD #3
9-15-21
Hang cleans (75#)
Burpees (touch hands behind head, jump over bar - because normal burpees are apparently impossible)

WOD #4
1RM of snatch, clean and deadlift

WOD #5
Push-up ladder of deficit pushups and hand stand pushups

WOD #6
60 Double Unders 
50 20# wall balls (20#s?!?!)
40 50# slam balls
30 50# shoulder to shoulder slam balls
20 box jumps w/ 20# wall balls
10 rope scales (monkey style across a rope - ugh)

These workouts are hard.  Totally hard.  And not a fair representation of what was expected based on the 'scaled division' standards. 

A few days ago, I almost walked away from the competition entirely based off of the workouts themselves.  One rep maxes in a competition setting can be scary - it can be exhilarating too - but I know for me, I lose my form and push too far sometimes.  I'm not in tip-top shape right now, my training has been lagging because of my busy schedule.  The workouts totally freaked me out and I'm glad I didn't walk away without even trying - I had a great time hanging out this weekend and meeting lots of CrossFitters from other gyms.  I looked at Tara while 18 lanes of athletes were doing thrusters and dropping the bar left and right and just said "I love this shit!".  I do.  I totally love it.  I love the energy.  I love the sweat.  I love the swearing.  I love going to competitions and watching people push it to the brink.  I love pushing it to the brink.  

But here is the deal.  I know when to stop.  And yesterday, I needed to stop.  My body was done.  This is more than just CrossFit soreness.  I was totally toast.  And my heart wasn't in doing the last two workouts.  When your heart isn't in it, every muscle in your body hurts, and your back is threatening to give up on you - it's time to quit, it's not worth it.

My results for the weekend? 

WOD #1: 41 thrusters = 3075lbs total.  (When you look at it that way, it's super impressive.  I did 3075lbs worth of front squats and push presses.  I am a rockstar.)
WOD #2: 137 reps (or 4 rounds + 5 pullups.  Okay.  I KILLED the ear-to-ear pullups.  Considering a week ago, I was practically in tears because I thought I was going to get exactly zero - I'll totally take 5 rounds of them.)
WOD #3: 7:59. The worst.  I freaking hate burpees.  I was SO SLOW.  
WOD #4:  MY FAVORITE!!!!  PRs for all lifts! YAY!  
Snatch: 95lbs - almost stopped at 90.  Then the teeny tiny little girl behind me hit 95 and I refused to let her beat me.  Take that teeny Canadian girl.  
Clean: 125lbs.  I thought that was a record for my PR.  NOPE!  New PR.  YAY!
Deadlift: 265lbs.  This is a new old PR.  When we retested a few weeks ago, it was 240lb (down from 265lb six months ago.)  

Total place?  28 out of 39 (obviously the two DNFs dropped my ranking - but I'm okay with it - I actually still beat people who finished all events).  My best event was the 1RM event.  My worst?  The burpees.  

Another One Bites The Dust

So... remember the time that my cat got kicked out of the groomer?  Well.  Let's add the dog to the newest list of Molle family beauty school dropouts.  Fail.  Damnit.  She bit the groomer when she tried to cut her nails.  Duh.  I'd bite someone too if they were trying to cut my nails when I didn't want them to.  That's why I take her to the groomer to get it done.  So she doesn't bite me.

In other dog news.... this happened: 

RIP shoe. You were well loved (and very cute).

 But how mad can you be when they look like this? 

Glamor shot. 

Who runs the house?  If you guessed me, you were wrong.  It's her. 

In other other news, I don't have any hot water and can't use any appliances.  Thank you Puget Sound Energy for making this week AWESOME.  Somehow wires got crossed at PSE and my account was never set up.  This is something like how the convo went: 

Me: I talked to you back in August when I moved into my house.  The exact words were 'you are good to go, Ms. Molle.'
PSE: We are showing that we talked to the gentlemen on your account.  Is there a Mr. Barnette on your account? 
Me: Ummm... 
PSE:  We talked to him on blah-blah-blah date and shut off service at your prior address.  
Me:  Ummmm... 
PSE:  But it doesn't look like it was ever transferred to another location.  
Me: Ummmmm... I think there has been confusion.  

After I explain to the customer service rep that there is no way that they spoke to someone who passed away almost two years ago, the obviously flustered man asks me this: 

PSE: Okay Ms. Molle, we've got you all set for your new location.  Would you like to keep Mr. Barnette as an authorized signer?  
Me: Ummmmmm... 

This is my life.  

Fail. Total Fail.

My puppy is regressing.  This is what I came home to today... 

Busted.  This is the shame face.  Bad dog.  Bad bad dog. 

She's been so good lately.  But this is the definition of 'not good'.  She even ate $20.  Not adorable at all. 

Ummm... what else?  I've had just about the most random week so far.  A couple of highlights from the week: 

• I actually had to use the sentence 'If you are going to say 'swingers', please whisper it so the class doesn't hear it.'  
• I got matched with one of my guy friends on my online dating profile.  Nothing is more hilarious and unexpected than opening up your email to a picture of your friends face announcing your daily perfect matches.  Of course we're 96% compatible - that's why we're friends.  

On a CrossFit note: they announced the first two workouts for The Bacon Beatdown.  First off, ear-to-ear pullups are not a real thing and I hate them. It's not pretty when I try to do them.  It's actually really ugly.  I flail.  On the positive side - my mom was super encouraging and told me that doing one was awesome (thanks mom!!!).  Unfortunately, I have to do six before I can move on to the next movement.  And that's only one round.  

WOD #1: 
9 min AMRAP
6 ear-to-ear pullups (eeeeffffffffffffffffffff...)
12 kb swings (Russian, 16kg)
15 goblet squats

Well.  I may get thru one round if I'm lucky.  

WOD #2 was announced tonight and this one I'm actually feeling good about:  

5 mins of thrusters at the weight of your choice: 75/95/125

Score is total volume: reps x weight -- so I've got to figure out what my best strategy is - lower weight, higher reps?  Or higher weight, lower reps??  At least I'm strong.  So... there's that.  

Only 4 more announcements to go.  

CrossFit's Dirty Little Secret?

There has been a huge fuss lately about the downfalls of CrossFit.  The biggest of these is that CrossFit can literally kill you by giving you rhabdomyolysis.  This article has been circulating the blogs and Facebook and has been scaring the crap out of anyone who reads it - especially those who aren't familiar with rhabdo and CrossFit in general.  There was even a piece on the news about the dangers of rhabdo and CrossFit - I literally got phone calls after that asking me if I should really be doing this stuff.    

Yes.  I should be doing this stuff.  This stuff has saved my life.  

So... what is rhabdomyolysis?  Well... according to WebMD:

Rhabdomyolysis is a serious syndrome due to a direct or indirect muscle injury. It results from a breakdown of muscle fibers and release of their contents into the bloodstream. This can lead to complications such as kidney (renal) failure. This occurs when the kidneys cannot remove waste and concentrated urine. In rare cases, rhabdomyolysis can even cause death. 

 Basically... broken down muscles releasing potassium into your blood stream = bad.  

This is a legitimate thing to be concerned about.  Rhabdo is scary and can be incredibly dangerous - even deadly.  But here's the deal - most people can do CrossFit for their entire lives and never come close to contracting rhabdo.  I know I'm not a doctor (although one of my favorite people is a medical student and I feel much smarter just by looking at her fancy books) - and I'm definitely not trying to give medical advice.  Not in the least.  I'm not qualified for that. But I am qualified as a CrossFit coach.

Here's the deal.  Rhabdo is bad.  As coaches, it is our responsibility to let you know about the dangers of it.  When I first started CrossFit, I remember complaining about not being able to get out of bed because I hurt so badly.  My trainer told me to make sure that I didn't pee coke color - and that if I did to take myself immediately to the hospital.  Not going to lie... this was alarming as a CrossFit baby.  But she explained what rhabdo was and we very quickly and easily deduced that I didn't have rhabdo, but that I was just sore- you know, from lifting heavy weights and being active like I hadn't been in years.  CrossFit will make you sore.  Sometimes incredibly sore.  But just because your abs hurt for days after doing Barbara (not that I would know anything about that!) - doesn't mean you have rhabdo.  

As coaches, we do our best to make sure that you don't jump into a workout with 150% intensity until you are ready.  We make sure that you aren't forcing yourself to lift heavier than you are ready to.  We will scale workouts to your appropriate level.  We encourage you to push yourself but to only go as far as you can safely go.  We do what we can to keep you safe and healthy at the gym.  But we also need your help - we don't know what it feels like for you.  We can tell when you look fatigued, but we have no idea when you hit the point that something hurts (unless you make that awful 'I'm in pain' face).  Tell us.  Tell us what is going on with you and what hurts.  Help us to keep you safe and healthy at the gym.  We will do everything that we can to help you avoid injuries and rhabdo (we actually like seeing your sweaty selves at the gym and want you to come back!) but you've got to put the ego aside sometimes and ask for help.  I know it's tough - I'm a CrossFitter too.  It's tough for me to say 'I'm done - this hurts and it's not the normal hurt'.  

Try not to worry about rhabdo. It definitely happens, but it's rare.  Be smart.  Don't push yourself so ridiculously hard - you aren't Rich Froning.  Drink lots of water.  Eat healthy.  Listen to your coaches.  And if you are really concerned about rhabdo - educate yourself.  The CrossFit Journal has some great articles on it and can be a great resource.  It's one of the places that I go when I'm in need of more information.  They also have great links to outside articles and additional resources. 

CrossFit can be a huge benefit in your life.  It is for me.  It's kept me sane when my life was out of control. It's taught me how to have a healthy lifestyle.  It's been my therapy.  I've made great friends at the gym.  I've gotten more involved with my gym than I could possibly have imagined.  It's made me strong, it's made my body change and it's made me happier.  For me, the benefits FAR outweigh any of the perceived downfalls.  

Be smart.  Be safe.  CrossFit on. 

Barbara = Sore. Oh So Sore.

You know what is happening right now?  My best friend has determined that my online dating profile isn't sufficient and she has taken it over.  Not kidding.  Took it over.  New profile.  New password.  New everything.  I'm pretty sure that she will just let me know where/when I need to be for a date (assuming that I actually get a date).  This is happening.  I'm not sure whether to be psyched or terrified.  

On another note... this week has been tough.  Work (yes, that real job... that place I have to go every day in order to pay my mortgage) has been stressful.  I haven't been able to make it to the gym to workout because between my work schedule and my coaching schedule - I've been running around like a crazy person.  So... I was incredibly grateful to have exactly zero plans on my schedule yesterday.  I cleaned my house (kinda), I caught up on laundry (kinda), I played with Grace (inside... because it was POURING outside).  I went to the gym and did Barbara.  Ouch.  No... seriously.  Ouch.  5 rounds... 20 pullups, 30 push ups, 40 sit ups, 50 squats.  It took me over 46 minutes (with 3 minutes of rest between rounds)... yowza.  I rolled over in bed this morning and had to take an inventory of what I could move and what I couldn't.  Turns out that everything hurts.  Sitting on the couch hurts.  Walking the dog hurts.  Making eggs hurts.  Washing my hair is totally not happening.  

Except for the times when it's just pain.  Like today.  Lots and lots of pain.

On another another note... I have two weeks until the Bacon Beatdown.  And I'm freaking out.  Eek.  I met another girl last week who is doing it and she was so damn enthusiastic.  She's practically brand new to CrossFit (probably hence the first competition enthusiasm) but her 'I'm going to kill it' enthusiasm was mildly intimidating (don't tell).  I know I'm strong.  I know I can do everything that they listed for standards in my division.  I know that I can suck it up and do burpees quickly if I need to (argh).  I've just been so busy and so stressed out that I need to prove it to myself again.  Okay... kick ass workouts are officially on the agenda this week.  Of course, I probably need to be able to move my arms again (whose idea was it to do Barbara again?!?!?!?!). 

Going to the Chapel

This weekend, I made a super quick trip to California to see my oldest friend get married.  (No, I don't mean my 'oldest' friend.  I mean, my friend who I have literally had for almost my entire life - not an 85 year old friend.)  

Diana and I have been friends since we were in first grade.  Seeeeeee... 

We were obviously the most awesome (and adorable) kids ever (proven because my mom cropped everyone out of this picture who wasn't awesome).  And our Brownie uniforms were totally rad circa 1990.  The fact that we were this adorable at 6 is only a sign of the amazing things to come.  Seeeee....

We have been friends for almost our entire lives. We were what? Six in the first grade?  That's almost 24 years.  Crazy.  It's hard to imagine that I've been friends with someone for that long!  Growing up as an only child, Diana and her sisters are the closest thing to siblings that I've ever had.  Diana's mom is one of my mom's closest friends and a lot of my childhood memories involve being in and around their house or our house - most likely running around like banshees (or chasing the neighbor boy, Doug). 

It's weird to have your oldest and dearest friend get hitched.  Although a lot of my friends are married by now, most of them I met in college - and we already thought we were adults then (even though we were horribly, horribly wrong). I've literally known Diana since we were tiny humans. I could not be more excited for her and her new hubby and I am so incredibly honored to be a part of her big day.  

It was a fantastic weekend.  I loved spending time with her family and helping her get ready for the day.  I had an amazing time hanging out with her sisters and her mom and all getting pretty and ready together.  Overall, wedding success.  I'm sure there will be more pictures to come.  

Oh. And I did my part to help out the CA budget crisis yesterday.  I got a speeding ticket in Calabasas (before you ask... yes, THAT Calabasas.  AKA Kardashian country. And I hate myself for even knowing that).  It was totally my fault.  I'll own it - I was speeding.  But seriously?  Worst luck ever. This girl. WORST. LUCK. EVER.  You are welcome, California-ites, you are welcome. 

Naked and Loving It?

Let's not kid ourselves, you want to read this because of the title.  Sorry to disappoint... but this doesn't involve pictures.  

Okay... I'm going to overshare here for just a minute.  I got a spray tan today.  And it was GLORIOUS.  I haven't had one for almost a year and I honestly forgot how much I love being fake tan (yup.  There is something wrong with that statement.  I'm able to acknowledge it).  BUT, do you know how much better everyone looks with a tan?  Ridiculously better.  And thinner.  Ridiculously thinner.  It's all an illusion you say?  Whatever.  It's a GREAT illusion.  

The awkward part of a spray tan?  Being TOTALLY NAKED in front of the lady who is all up in your business.  You are literally doing yoga poses in front of this person in your birthday suit.  That's a real thing.  It happened today.  And Suzanne from Nordstrom Spa had a totally normal conversation with me about bridesmaids dresses while making sure that the tan was even across my  booty.  Hmmm.  Yeah.  That happened.  

But Danielle, why do you want a spray tan?  Don't you want to embrace the pastey white that is a Seattle girl in late September?  No.  No I don't.  I am going to California tomorrow to be a bridesmaid in my friend Diana's wedding.  Diana has been my friend since we were 3' tall (not kidding - I have the pictures to prove it).  First grade.  FIRST grade.  So... why the spray tan?  Because everyone else in this wedding is from CA.  And is tan.  And I'm from Seattle.  Do I need to spell it out or do you get it now? 

And before you crack any jokes... no.  This is not what I look like.  

But I do know people who looked like this in college.  I won't name any names... but you all know who I'm talking about. 

Moral of the story?  Fake tan and loving it. 

A Weekend Report

Seriously. That's the feeling that I had after seeing the WOD posted on Friday (I know, I know... it's Sunday... why it take me so long to post? Because I'm busy, damnit). Lateral, over-the-bar burpees.  As if burpees weren't hellacious enough - now we have to jump over a bar to do them?  Blah.  That's just atrocious.  There was puking.  There was complaining.  There were people canceling out of classes left and right.  Turns out that we hate lateral burpees at my gym.

This weekend, I closed the door on a big chapter of my life - I turned in the keys to my rental house.  This may not seem like a big deal... but it is.  It's big for a couple of reasons: 1) I'm offically not a renter anymore. I know I've been a homeowner for a few weeks now - but seriously.  No more landlord.  No more being able to call someone else if things are broken.  2) This was the place that I lived with Will.  Not to bring this post around to sad note -  but that's a hard thing to walk away from. We had great memories in that house for the short time that we lived there together.  But, I know that it's the best thing for me.  And I love my house and am looking forward to making lots of happy memories here too.  Big steps forward.


On another homeowner note... I had my first plumbing mishap this weekend.  Thank god for friends who know more about plumbing than I do.  After seeing both my dad and Will deal with a backed up garbage disposal - I thought that I could do it too.  Wrong.  Dead wrong.  I managed to remove the garbage disposal - resulting in water and sweet potato pieces shooting EVERYWHERE.  Then I couldn't get it back on.  And the 'what did I do?!' tears started.  I could not be more grateful that Tara was already on her way over for breakfast and a puppy play date.  She walked in and knew EXACTLY what to do.  We even fixed the clog.  AND... it wasn't even my fault.  The prior owner lodged a baby spoon in the pipes.  Awesome. And then we moved the treadmill out of my old house.  Note to self:  when you have a friend who can fix your plumbing AND doesn't look at you like you are nuts when you say 'we can just deadlift it into the truck'... they are totally keepers.

Other random tidbits from the weekend: 

• Cyclocross is the most awesome hipster sport in the world.  Craft beer garden.  French press to-go cups.  Spectators in lots of flannel and hats with teeny tiny bills. 
• Seattle does, in fact, have a velodrome. 
• Let's add cycling on a velodrome to things that I never want to do.  Holy scary.  

On a completely different note... when did Carrie Underwood take over for Faith Hill as the theme song singer for Sunday Night Football?!?!  Hmmm...

A CrossFit Newbie's Guide to All Things CrossFit

Or... 'What I Wish People Would Have Told Me When I Started CrossFit'.

I have been doing CrossFit for 471 days (yes.  I know the EXACT date I did my first workout.).  During these 471 days, I have learned a ton about myself, about CrossFit, about people, about life in general.  Let me share some of the more poignant landmarks and things that I wish people would have told me to expect when I first started.  

• Day -31.  A friend is going to tell you that you should do CrossFit.  You are going to laugh and say 'that stuff is nuts.'  But somehow, it sits in the back of your mind and after weeks of ruminating on it, you think, 'what the hell' and sign up for a free trial. 
• Day 1.  You are hooked. It sucks, it hurt and when can you sign up for essentials? 
• Day 2.  You reconsider when you are unable to get out of bed but you've already paid the essentials course fee.  Muscles hurt that you didn't realize you had.  Sitting down and standing up becomes a process. 
• First real class post-essentials.  Terrified.  Absolutely terrified.  These people are strong.  These people are fast.  You go at the pace of snail holding 10 lbs but you do it.  Victory!
• One month into classes.  Everything hurts all the time.  You try to learn everything and struggle at most things.  Why can't you see muscles yet? 
• Three months into classes.  You've lost weight.  You can see muscles.  You give up happy hour, cocktails and cheese because why would you want to to cancel out all that work you just suffered through.  You buy new pants two sizes smaller.  It's glorious.
• Immediately following the purchase of new pants?  First plateau - workout times are fast, like really, really fast.  Body is less sore.  Time to increase weights.  Jump on a higher box.  Attempt double unders.  Basically, time to step it up.  
• First CrossFit Summer.  Friend asks you to go boating.  You have them pick you up at the dock so you can get your workout in first.  Everyone looks at you like you are crazy.  
• Six months in.  Rx your first workout.  You are a rockstar.  You see the CrossFit Games in your future.  
• Six months + one day.  Actually watch a CrossFit Games athlete do a workout.  Brutal realization that you are not as awesome as you think you are.  Also, does that person have a 12 pack???
• Six months + two days.  Up your gym membership to unlimited classes.  12 classes per month is no longer cutting it.  You are determined to be excellent at CrossFit.  Expensive?  Yes.  Worth it?  Absolutely. 
• Nine months.  Sign up for your first competition.  Get killed.  Another brutal realization it's time to step up. Get a gym best friend who pushes you every day. 
• Ten months.  Time for your yearly physical.  Step on the scale and cry.  All the weight you've lost is back.  Wonder how that's possible.  Realize you've lost inches but gained muscle and a CrossFit booty.  Still, ego is bruised from the scale.  Make a promise to yourself to only use the scale when weighing luggage from here forward. The scale is officially the devil.  
• Ten months +.  Realize that you really love this stuff.  Sign up for a Level 1 Certification course.  You are going to be a trainer and you are going to be awesome.  
• First CrossFit Open.  Get schooled every Saturday for five weeks.  DQ on the last WOD because you can't pull your chest to the bar.  Die a little inside. Decide that you will do better next year. 
• Happy One Year Anniversary CrossFit!!!  Take your certification course.  Again realize that you are not awesome and it seems everyone is better at everything than you.  Stand in the middle of the circle of humiliation while demonstrating how NOT to do medicine ball cleans.  Realize you have a million things to learn.  Regardless, pass certification test.  Congrats.  You are a CrossFit coach.  Now panic.
• CrossFit Anniversary + 1 week.  Start CrossFit coaching internship. You may not know everything but you will be the most enthusiastic one there.  You are determined to learn and be awesome. 
• After internship.  Teach your first solo class. Try to keep sounding confident even though you are freaking out.  Go home and cry because you think you'll never be good at this. 
• Continue teaching.  Realize that you are getting better with every class you teach.  Ask questions.  Watch videos.  Learn as much as you can from the other coaches.  Take pieces of their coaching styles and incorporate it into your own.  Before you know it, coaching is coming naturally.  You are having fun and you love it. 
• CrossFit Summer #2. Run a Tough Mudder with friends from the gym.  You won't regret it.  Your body will hurt.  You'll want to cry midway through - then you'll pass groups who started 90 minutes before you and you'll realize that you are doing way more awesome than you think. Three hours later, you'll finish it and have a memory that you'll never forget.  
• 18 months into CrossFit.  You can finally Rx most workouts.  People ask you for help and you actually know how to help them.  You finally feel pretty confident with coaching even though you know there is still a lot to learn.  Expand your friend group at the gym.  Shazam every catchy song you hear and add it to the CrossFit playlist on Spotify. 
• Day 471.  You'll still wake up sore every day.  You want to date someone who gets CrossFit so you don't have to explain to them what Fran is and why you want to do it.  You'll spend more money at Lululemon, Reebok and Rogue than you do at Nordstrom and Target combined.  You'll cry, sweat, and bleed at the gym and love every minute of it.  You will love coaching and seeing people hit their goals and set new PRs.  Set yourself new goals every month.  Set some 'you' time aside.  Find a workout partner who encourages you and will push you to the next level.  Keep working your ass off every day.