Kitchen Disaster. Part 1

I name this post Kitchen Disaster Part 1 in anticipation of there being many more to come.  I don't actually have anything to follow this up with - so don't hold your breath for Part 2 quite yet.  

Let me just start by saying that I am actually a really decent cook - even borderline good on some dishes.  Lately however, this has not been evident.  Earlier this week, it was the disaster with the pulled pork (but I can't actually tell if it's bad or if I just don't like it).  Today, it's salmon.  Oh salmon.  

Okay... turns out, I've never actually cooked salmon.  Ever.  Other people have cooked it for me.  I've watched them, I've helped prep things - but actually cooking it?  Not so much.  I bought a delicious looking piece of salmon in the hopes of making salmon burgers that I could eat over salad or with avocado.  Well.  I suck in the kitchen.  Let me tell you why: 

Salmon has skin.  I know, WHAT?!?!  And in all the episodes of Top Chef that I have watched (and it has been A LOT) - it always looks SO easy to skin a fish filet.  Well.  That's a big fat lie.  It is HARD.  And messy.  And you actually have to touch the fish.  Ew.  (Sidenote: My grandpa would be so proud of me - pretty sure he used to get super annoyed when we would go fishing and I'd reel in the fish and then let it hang there until he or my dad got it off the hook for me.  I wasn't going to touch it.  Fish are slimy.)  Well... that hasn't changed.  Fish are still slimy.  But apparently if I want to eat them, I have to put my big girl panties on and suck it up.  But still.  Ew.  It's a good thing I decided to make burgers and not try to have a pretty fish fillet - because I MUTILATED the damn thing.  It was like a mini fish massacre in my kitchen.  Ew.  So many ews.  (Another sidenote: here is a helpful website on how to filet a fish.)

This is not remotely what my fish looked like when I was done.  Not even a little bit.  I thought about taking a picture of it... but frankly, it was horrifying.  Total fail.

The recipe that I found for salmon burgers seemed relatively easy:  salmon, capers, coarse ground mustard, almond meal, s&p.  Easy right?  First up - a trip to Fred Meyer to find capers as it's one of the things I forgot on my shopping list.  Helpful hint for the day: capers live with the pickles at the grocery store.  That will save you 20 minutes of wandering around.  

So I run my salmon through the food processor a little bit until it's ground, stir in the other ingredients and fry them up in a little bit of coconut oil.  Sounds easy.  Well.  Let me educate you on coconut oil.  Coconut oil is not a high temperature oil and begins to smoke incredibly quickly.  Do you see where I am going with this?  Let's just say my entire house smells like burnt coconut.  I have no idea how my smoke alarm didn't go off - maybe it's tired after getting it's exercise with my crispy bacon this morning (oh yes... that happened.  AGAIN.).  I also seriously overcooked the burgers and must come up with some sort of sauce for them. Sauce seems to be the answer to all of life's questions right now.  Damnit.  

Anyways... off to coach. Whoever said an overcooked salmon burger and a banana don't qualify as dinner is wrong.

Cooking for One? Not A Chance.

I try not to spend a lot of time ranting about the joys of singledom, but let me just take a minute to share my most recent complaint: 

I am ALWAYS cooking for two even though I am just one.  And I refuse to buy a 'Cooking for One' cookbook.  That's just sad.  One may say "Bonus!  You always have leftovers!".  Well... this is only good in a couple of scenarios: 1) it would taste decent the next day (hot or cold), and 2) what I made was actually edible in the first place (questionable at best).  As almost everyone in the Facebook universe has recently learned - this week I made 3 lbs of pulled pork.  Well... 3lbs turns out to be A LOT.  And although I got some really good ideas from people on how to prepare and eat it for the rest of my life - there is one really big stipulation that I forgot to mention - I don't actually like pulled pork.  (Yeah... I kinda forgot that before I made it too.)  I REALLY like pulled pork sandwiches that are drenched in BBQ sauce - but that's is because I REALLY like BBQ sauce.  Moral of the story?  BBQ sauce is not allowed on my current diet because of the ridiculously high sugar content (which is probably why I like it in the first place).  So I have approximately 2 1/2 lbs of meat in my fridge that I don't even like.  Shit. 

So there's that. 

I'm attempting to plan out my meals a week in advance so I only have to go to the grocery store once.  This is great... assuming that you remember a pen to cross off your items and don't end up missing at least half a dozen because they all blend together on your list of uncrossed out items.  Total fail.  The end result of meal planning?  TONS of food.  Not enough Tupperware (who wants to go to Costco this weekend?!). Desperate cravings for things that I didn't include in my week of meals resulting in even more trips to the grocery store.  Huge appreciation for my mom being able to do this while I was growing up - I can barely successfully feed myself - the idea of feeding an entire family every day makes me feel like hyperventilating.  

Anyways... enough about food.

Other miscellaneous life items for your enjoyment: 

• I do not need to date someone who is CrossFit obsessed but for the love of all things holy, if I meet one more guy who says 'You do CrossFit? Does that mean you can beat me up?', I'm going to run him over with my car. 
• Coaching is going spectacularly well (or at least I like to think it is).  I'm not 100% sure that the athletes in my classes think I'm as funny as I think I am... but that's a whole different story.  People are learning, people are lifting and no one has gotten hurt on my watch.  Winning!!
• Whatever moron makes women's dresses with the zipper in the back was obviously in a relationship.  Now that it is summer/dress season - I have had way too many days where I have to come to work half-dressed and have a coworker zip me up.  And yes... I'm aware that they make hooky things for zippers so I can take care of it myself.  Just put those is in the same category as cookbooks for single people. 
• Tough Mudder is next weekend.  Am I prepared?  Not so much.  I've run three times in the last month.  Does that count as training?  No?  Shit.  However, I am super psyched to go to Whistler, hang out with some of my favorite peeps, and get a little dirty.
• I had a date last night that didn't suck.  YAY!  Either my dating expectations have been significantly lowered or this guy was actually really fun.  (I'm leaning towards the latter.)  This is a huge improvement off of last week's terrible date that resulted in a 'I'm going to be 30 and single FOREVER' bout of grumpiness that everyone who talked to me at the gym on Saturday morning was lucky enough to experience. Whoops.  Sorry guys.     
• I need new workout shoes.  I am going through shoes like crazy and it's been months since I got new ones (and my oly lifters don't count).  Any suggestions?  I'm thinking about Nanos... but I really love my Nike Frees.  Life dilemma. 

Darn right.

Umm... I think that's it.  Adios peeps.  (Yes... I know that this post was more of a 'life update' than actually being useful to anyone.  My bad.  I will work more on useful information.)

Sweet Potato Banana Muffins

1 large sweet potato, cut into fourths 

1 banana

½ apple (I used braeburn)

Dry Ingredients
1 teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon cinnamon

¼ teaspoon nutmeg
¼ teaspoon baking soda
2 chai tea bags (remove tea - throw away bag - duh) 

pinch of salt
⅓ cup pecans or almonds (pecans are a bit sweeter) - chopped or whole
⅓ cup almond flour

Wet Ingredients

⅓ cup coconut oil, melted
3 eggs
4 tablespoons dark maple syrup 

1½ teaspoon vanilla extract

Put sweet potato in the oven at 425 degrees.  Cook until it is super soft.  This will vary depending on the size of the sweet potato but it took me about 35 minutes.  Check it every 5 minutes starting at about 25 minutes.  

Once super soft, let cool and remove the skin.  These muffins gave me a chance to play with my food processor - yeah!  Put the sweet potato, apple, and banana in the processor and puree.  Once smooth, add all the dry ingredients. I used whole pecans but I have an industrial strength food processor (yeah!!!) - so it only took me a couple of minutes to get the whole thing to a smooth consistency. 

Then I added in all of the wet ingredients and pureed again.  (Man... this food processor is seriously AMAZING - new favorite kitchen gadget - sorry KitchenAid.)

Reduce the oven temp to 375. 

I put cupcake wrappers into the muffin tin and filled them up. (I used leftover 'Celebrate' wrappers from a bridal shower a few years ago - turns out I love ridiculous cupcake wrappers - I have WAY too many in my cupboard.)  Because these don't have a whole lot of flour or anything to rise - you can fill them up pretty darn full.  

Bake for 25 minutes - or until your knife comes out clean.  

Unlike most bready things that you want to eat while still warm - let these cool completely first.  They crumble when they are warm and the flavor isn't very good.  When they are cool, however - they are delicious!!  It was a delicious treat with my bacon and eggs this morning.  A little bit sweet - I would maybe use slightly less maple syrup next time.  Overall, a perfect way to cap off breakfast.  

Yummms.  Make these.  It's a good idea.