Remember how I said that writing that I was excited about a new guy was probably going to be the kiss of death? Well. Apparently it was. Effffffffffffff....
This one was all on me though. (Okay. It was a little bit on him too.) But mostly it was just me not feeling it. So I decided to end it instead of leading him on and ultimately hurting him worse - that's the right thing to do, right?? Well. It doesn't feel like it. I still feel like I hurt the guy and that makes me feel terrible.
So what now, you ask? Well. I think I need to take a break from the online dating. I am officially stressed to the max between work and coaching and life in general. I think I have probably used my lifetime capacity for stress management and now I can just barely muster the energy to deal with one stressful thing at a time. I haven't worked out in a week, I wake up exhausted every morning, and I literally slept almost all day yesterday (in all fairness, my power was out - bed was the only place I could stay warm). A friend told me yesterday that I sounded 'angry' - well, I'm not necessarily 'angry' - but I'm not happy either. I'm ready to be done with the fall. Fall is the hardest time of the year for me - it's honestly one of the last times that I remember being truly happy. From now until January - pretty much everything is a memory and that's tough to deal with. So... from now until January - I'm working on me. I'm done with dating for now - if someone comes along who is fantastic, that's great. But... three months of 'me' time, is very much needed. I am just trying to get settled into my house and spend time with my dog. These things make me happy and right now - I'm desperately in need of doing things that make me happy.
So... what is included in 'work on me' time? I dunno. Maybe I'll finally pick a new color for my ground floor bathroom (sky blue doesn't do it for me). Maybe I'll organize my garage (I have to before Thanksgiving - my dad will have a heart attack if he sees the piles of CRAP that have grown in my garage). I'm definitely going to start going to the gym more - two days a week just isn't cutting it. Maybe I'll actually make a recipe out of the paleo cookbooks that I have picked up (heaven forbid!). I'm going to have the girls over for a sweatpants, wine and gossip night. I'm going to go see the monster (my bestie's two year old). I'm going to train my dog. I'm going to plan a vacation.