Sunday, November 3, 2013

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Remember how I said that writing that I was excited about a new guy was probably going to be the kiss of death? Well.  Apparently it was.  Effffffffffffff.... 

This one was all on me though.  (Okay.  It was a little bit on him too.)  But mostly it was just me not feeling it.  So I decided to end it instead of leading him on and ultimately hurting him worse - that's the right thing to do, right??  Well.  It doesn't feel like it.  I still feel like I hurt the guy and that makes me feel terrible. 

So what now, you ask?  Well.  I think I need to take a break from the online dating.  I am officially stressed to the max between work and coaching and life in general.  I think I have probably used my lifetime capacity for stress management and now I can just barely muster the energy to deal with one stressful thing at a time.  I haven't worked out in a week, I wake up exhausted every morning, and I literally slept almost all day yesterday (in all fairness, my power was out - bed was the only place I could stay warm). A friend told me yesterday that I sounded 'angry' - well, I'm not necessarily 'angry' - but I'm not happy either.  I'm ready to be done with the fall.  Fall is the hardest time of the year for me - it's honestly one of the last times that I remember being truly happy. From now until January - pretty much everything is a memory and that's tough to deal with.  So... from now until January - I'm working on me.  I'm done with dating for now - if someone comes along who is fantastic, that's great.  But... three months of 'me' time, is very much needed.  I am just trying to get settled into my house and spend time with my dog.  These things make me happy and right now - I'm desperately in need of doing things that make me happy.

So... what is included in 'work on me' time?  I dunno.  Maybe I'll finally pick a new color for my ground floor bathroom (sky blue doesn't do it for me).  Maybe I'll organize my garage (I have to before Thanksgiving - my dad will have a heart attack if he sees the piles of CRAP that have grown in my garage).  I'm definitely going to start going to the gym more - two days a week just isn't cutting it.  Maybe I'll actually make a recipe out of the paleo cookbooks that I have picked up (heaven forbid!).  I'm going to have the girls over for a sweatpants, wine and gossip night.  I'm going to go see the monster (my bestie's two year old).  I'm going to train my dog. I'm going to plan a vacation.

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