The Rules of Attraction (Or Lack There Of)

Attraction is a funny beast.  It's one of those things that sometimes it's there - and sometimes, it just isn't.  And it's SO RIDICULOUS. (And no, this is not just because I got sucked into a 'Married at First Sight' marathon and now I'm overanalyzing EVERY relationship I've ever had.)

I have been dating for at least 17 years - ever since the 8th grade when my very first boyfriend held my hand on the bus.  Our relationship lasted the three hour bus ride home from the state capital during that particular stage in life when having a boyfriend was everything that a girl needed to be popular.  Pretty sure we broke up immediately afterwards - I probably had one of my friends call one of his friends and break the bad news to him.  And that still didn't stop him from trying to feel me up during an innocent back rub during freshman year.  And sophomore year.  And probably senior year too.  (For the record - it never worked.)

During the last few years, I have gone on a lot of dates.  I'm not sure it's more than the average single person (it's actually probably not - I have friends that have gone on LOTS of dates.  Like multiple dates in a day kind of dating) - I'm not like that.  But I've still gone on my fair share of dates.  And have spent even more time talking to various dudes via messenger and text.  And generally - I can tell within a few short messages if this is something that has potential or not.

I don't mean that to sound so judgmental. But seriously. It is baffling to me how someone who is great on paper - handsome, successful, charismatic - can fall so flat on my attraction scale, while on the other hand, I can be so crazy attracted to someone who I only have a few hilarious text message exchanges with.  Is chemistry truly a result of a physical meeting?  Or is it something that we can develop before we actually lay eyes on each other?

These are the ultimate questions of dating.  How much 'foreplay' is too much?  When you meet someone via online dating (or really - any relationship where a face-to-face meeting isn't immediately possible), how long can you text, message, call, and flirt before the spark wears itself out? If the spark isn't there during initial contact - should you even bother meeting?  And heaven forbid - what if the spark is so good during the foreplay that it puts too much pressure on for the actual meeting and you blow it?  What then?

Seriously.  I'm exhausted just thinking about all these questions.