Monday, April 8, 2013

Self Control? What's That?

There are two things that will never be my strengths:  self control and will power.  Especially when it comes to food, wine, shopping, and men.  Turns out - I'm not so good at saying no to things.  This is evidenced by my credit card bill and lots of bad dates.  I'm finally mastering the ability to say no to the total jerks (something I didn't have in college - yup - those of you who knew me back then know EXACTLY which jerks I am referring to).  And I'm getting better at saying no to shopping as well - I even walked out of Lululemon without buying anything last weekend (and that NEVER happens).  But food and wine?  It's all: Yes! Yes! Yes!!  

Okay... I LOVE food.  This is a new thing.  I used to be super food indifferent.  My mom is a great cook - but we were on the go all the time between school and sports and so we had a revolving door of a lot of the same dishes.  I love those dishes: mushroom chicken, meatloaf, mac and cheese (to name my favorites!) and they are my go-to's for comfort food.  But we didn't branch out a lot - there were a lot of things that I had no idea what they were until I moved to Seattle and was trying out new restaurants on my own.  I wouldn't even try a lot of new things at first -- we would go to happy hour somewhere and I would order something that I was familiar with and then I would try bites of friend's food.  That opened the door to dates, brussel sprouts, hummus, kale and things like that.  It was actually kind of embarrassing and I always tried to play it off like I totally knew what duck confit was (I'll be honest - I'm still not 100% sure).  I'm sure my friends saw right through it and laughed at me as the crazy food virgin behind my back.  I don't know if it's because I grew up in Montana or what... but we just don't have those things in restaurants there.  We do, however, have TONS of steak and potatoes.  We also have game.  Lots of game.  I know exactly what venison tastes like.  

The thing is:  I love to eat.  It's fantastic.  There are so many amazing restaurants here - and I mean like change-your-life-amazing restaurants.  Also, since I've discovered a love for cooking - that means I get to eat even more.  Four years ago, I was content eating a bag of popcorn for dinner - now, that popcorn had better have artisan Parmesan and truffle salt on it.   The problem here is - I'm single.  I'm cooking for two and eating for one.  Do you know how hard it is find recipes that are designed for one person?  Sure... there are cookbooks geared at singles, but they don't really design their recipes the way that I like to cook.  I'm still trying to eat healthy and focus on a primal diet (although you wouldn't be able to tell from the last couple of weeks - hello shit food diet!).  A lot of those recipes have a ton of carbs and dairy and things that I really try hard to limit.  So... turns out I make a lot of food and don't have enough friends who want to come over for dinner every night of the week.

Since I've been doing CrossFit, I've lost a ton of weight... like almost 20lbs.  Okay... correction - I had lost 20lbs.  I've now gained ten back.  I like to think it's all muscle, but that's probably not 100% accurate.  Coach Jess and I had a talk about it one day and we agreed on a target weight for me and I have to get my ass in gear and get there.  No more f-ing around.  It's only like 7lbs - SEVEN POUNDS.  That should be easy.  She's given me  diet/healthy eating tips and I know that if I just do it - losing the weight should be simple.  But here's where the self control part comes in:  I want to eat EVERYTHING.  Including all the bad stuff - like the chocolate banana muffins my co-worker brought in this morning.  They are delicious.  I had two. (Okay fine... three.  But they are little!)  Self control?  Nope.  

I'm the same way with wine (and tequila - but that's a post for a different day.  Love the tequila.) - I have a hard time just saying no. It's like - okay, well, one glass is good for your health.  Okay, well, work was stressful today - a second glass is fine.  And by the time I'm done - I've had two glasses of wine and all the alcohol/sugar calories that come with it. 

I've been justifying my bad eating habits lately by saying 'it's my birthday week' - and I think that's fair.  But now, it's not my birthday week anymore and I need to get my ass in gear.  I literally sent my parents home with every unhealthy thing that we ate this weekend (they brought cookies AND salt water taffy -thanks guys) including the delicious gorgonzola chicken I made for them.  I think sometimes it's totally worth it to make something totally delectable - any diet that doesn't allow people to cheat every once in a while isn't for me.  Life isn't worth living without the occasional totally bad for you meal.  But... I did send the leftovers to Montana.  I don't need them.  I ate my leftover steak fajitas for lunch - without sour cream, cheese or tortilla.  Good start?  Let's hope so.  Seven pounds could just be the difference between normal pull-ups and chest-to-bar. 

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