Thursday, June 13, 2013

Kitchen Disaster. Part 1

I name this post Kitchen Disaster Part 1 in anticipation of there being many more to come.  I don't actually have anything to follow this up with - so don't hold your breath for Part 2 quite yet.  

Let me just start by saying that I am actually a really decent cook - even borderline good on some dishes.  Lately however, this has not been evident.  Earlier this week, it was the disaster with the pulled pork (but I can't actually tell if it's bad or if I just don't like it).  Today, it's salmon.  Oh salmon.  

Okay... turns out, I've never actually cooked salmon.  Ever.  Other people have cooked it for me.  I've watched them, I've helped prep things - but actually cooking it?  Not so much.  I bought a delicious looking piece of salmon in the hopes of making salmon burgers that I could eat over salad or with avocado.  Well.  I suck in the kitchen.  Let me tell you why: 

Salmon has skin.  I know, WHAT?!?!  And in all the episodes of Top Chef that I have watched (and it has been A LOT) - it always looks SO easy to skin a fish filet.  Well.  That's a big fat lie.  It is HARD.  And messy.  And you actually have to touch the fish.  Ew.  (Sidenote: My grandpa would be so proud of me - pretty sure he used to get super annoyed when we would go fishing and I'd reel in the fish and then let it hang there until he or my dad got it off the hook for me.  I wasn't going to touch it.  Fish are slimy.)  Well... that hasn't changed.  Fish are still slimy.  But apparently if I want to eat them, I have to put my big girl panties on and suck it up.  But still.  Ew.  It's a good thing I decided to make burgers and not try to have a pretty fish fillet - because I MUTILATED the damn thing.  It was like a mini fish massacre in my kitchen.  Ew.  So many ews.  (Another sidenote: here is a helpful website on how to filet a fish.)

This is not remotely what my fish looked like when I was done.  Not even a little bit.  I thought about taking a picture of it... but frankly, it was horrifying.  Total fail.
The recipe that I found for salmon burgers seemed relatively easy:  salmon, capers, coarse ground mustard, almond meal, s&p.  Easy right?  First up - a trip to Fred Meyer to find capers as it's one of the things I forgot on my shopping list.  Helpful hint for the day: capers live with the pickles at the grocery store.  That will save you 20 minutes of wandering around.  

So I run my salmon through the food processor a little bit until it's ground, stir in the other ingredients and fry them up in a little bit of coconut oil.  Sounds easy.  Well.  Let me educate you on coconut oil.  Coconut oil is not a high temperature oil and begins to smoke incredibly quickly.  Do you see where I am going with this?  Let's just say my entire house smells like burnt coconut.  I have no idea how my smoke alarm didn't go off - maybe it's tired after getting it's exercise with my crispy bacon this morning (oh yes... that happened.  AGAIN.).  I also seriously overcooked the burgers and must come up with some sort of sauce for them. Sauce seems to be the answer to all of life's questions right now.  Damnit.  

Anyways... off to coach. Whoever said an overcooked salmon burger and a banana don't qualify as dinner is wrong.

1 comment:

  1. I can't remember if you "do" spicy or not, but fat free sour cream or greek yogurt and some chipotle peppers/sauce is a great little everything sauce! Also, I have like 50,000 salmon recipes if you need anything- one of the benefits of living in Alaska where it comes from!