The Boston Marathon

"But the night was ordinary.  It usually is, I think, when your life changes.  Most people aren't doing anything special when the carefully placed pieces of their life break apart." 
- Carole Radziwill, What Remains

I read this book not long after Will died and these words resonated with me. It's true. From everyone who I've ever talked to - it's just a normal day when your life falls apart. Maybe you sense something in the air - but you can't quite put your finger on what it is. For all intents and purposes- its just a normal day. 
 

Today, the explosions at the Boston Marathon are stunning people all across the country, reminding us that life is too short and that sometimes people do horrible things to totally innocent people for absolutely no reason.  I'm sure that eventually we will know some sort of reason behind it - but to the people who have lost their lives and limbs and to the family and loved ones left behind - it may not matter.  

All of these people who were just having a normal day have now had their lives rocked and will never be able to go back to the way it was the second before the explosions went off.  These people were attending the race to cheer on parents, children, husbands, wives, sisters, brothers, friends and complete strangers who were competing. Everyone who was touched by the tragedy today will never be able to go back to the minute before the finish line practically exploded.
 

I don't know what it was like to be at that race, but I do know what it is like to have your entire world break apart in seconds.  For me, I never get to go back to 3:57pm on January 22, 2012.  For me, it wasn't an explosion - it was a phone call.   It's not the same - it's not even close - but the thing that I keep thinking about is that all those lives will never be the same.  

This is just another reminder to me that life is too short.  It's too short to not make the best of every single day.  It's too short to waste being mad, stressed or unhappy.  Life is too short to not be passionate.  It's too short not to be crazy in love with someone who makes you insanely happy. It's too short not to laugh or be silly. It's too short not to love what you do.  It's too short to be too busy to take that vacation or spend time with the people you love.  Life is way too short to not tell the people you love that you love them. 

You only live once.  Make the most of it. 

Not Even Remotely About CrossFit (okay... maybe just a smidge)

One of my girlfriends asked me recently - why don't I blog more about my dating? Well... let's just do a quick summary of my love life shall we?  

.

Zilch.  

I've got zilch.  

It's not that I don't want to be dating.  I would LOVE to have a fantastic guy around.  But I think I'm taking a break from actively seeking one out on the interwebs.  Online dating is exhausting.  And I'm tired.  All the time.  That's what happens when you have a full time job, are doing a coaching internship AND working out 4-5 days a week.  My house is almost always a disaster, my cats feel neglected and I'm at least three weeks behind on my DVR (that's a lie, I don't have a DVR - but I do have OnDemand).  I don't even have time to see my friends - my best friend lives 30 minutes away and I haven't seen her in at least a month.  I'm a terrible friend.  

The only reason I do hang out with any of my friends now is that they are friends from the gym and we go out after our workout.  And no one cares that I am sweaty and gross looking - because they are also sweaty and gross looking.  No date would appreciate post-WOD Danielle.  This is what I look like: 

Remember this picture? Go me.

Yeah... not pretty.  Not pretty at all. 
 
It's not that I don't want to date.  Dating is awesome.  I love meeting new people. But... getting all cleaned up to go meet a complete stranger that I may or may not hit it off with when I don't even have time to see friends who I love isn't a high priority in my life right now.  

AND -- I'm sick of guys being intimidated by the fact that I do CrossFit.  Yes- I do CrossFit.  Yes- I'm decent at it.  Yes- I'm strong.  If you can't handle the fact that I can probably outlift you - I don't need any part of it.  Maybe I've gotten spoiled by the fact that  I work out with fantastic guys who are super encouraging and want nothing more than for us girls to get one more rep or 5 more lbs.  I would really just love a guy who will totally rock a 'My Girl Is Stronger Than You' shirt.  

I'm actually totally okay with not dating right now.  I'm having a blast just doing me.  I'm busy and enjoying every minute of it (okay... that may be an exaggeration... but I enjoy MOST minutes of it).  So... the summary of my recent dating experiences?  Nada. 

On the positive side:  being single has given me WAY more time to practice cooking.  Here's a quick recipe for best steak rub ever: 

Coffee Spice Rub
2T coffee (I used Seattle's Best #4. I like my coffee darker and thought this had great flavor)
1t Cinnamon
1/2t Smoked Paprika
1/2t Cumin
A pinch of cayenne pepper (just for a little punch)
Salt (I used Himalayn Pink Sea Salt as it is AWESOME.  And pink.)  

Delicious.  Make it ASAP.  Actually, ditch whatever you were planning to make for dinner tonight and make steak.  It's a great plan.  

Hot Yoga is Hard

I did my first hot yoga class yesterday and... wow... hot yoga is HARD.  And this wasn't even true hot yoga - this room was only 95 degrees.  Apparently true hot yoga is like 105.  I can't even imagine.  I was a sweat monster.  Like totally disgusting sweaty beast.  And I smelled.  Sexy?  Not so much. 

Why am I doing yoga, you ask?  Aren't I a CrossFitter?  Totally.  I am TOTALLY a CrossFitter (is CrossFitter actually a word?  It should be.).  But last week - a couple of the coaches were talking about using hot yoga to increase flexibility (turns out I'm not the only one with inflexibility issues) and it piqued my interest.  So, I thought I'd give it a try.  And I have never sweated so much in my entire life.  Maybe not even if you took all my CrossFit workouts and combined the sweat into one.  And I wasn't as bad as the guy in front of me - he was doing yoga in a puddle of his own sweat.  You go sweaty yoga guy - you kicked my ass in every single pose. 

Turns out - I'm terrible at yoga.  I had this fantasy that because I've gotten in better shape that I'd be better at it than the last time I tried.  False.  I was maybe worse. Could be because we did vinyasa yoga (Side note: There are so many kinds of yoga.  SO MANY KINDS.  Bikram.  Flow.  Vinyasa.  Power vinyasa.  Power flow vinyasa.   Gentle.  Aggressive.  Beat yoga.  Yoga for pregnant people.  Yoga for old people. Plain yoga.  Are you confused yet?  I am. SO very confused.).  I'm going to go ahead and blame it on the burpees and deadlifts I did yesterday morning - but my arms were shaking by the time we'd gotten through our second round of chataranga (which I guarantee is spelled wrong - but if you've done vinyasa yoga - you know exactly what I mean).  

I am uncoordinated and not the least bit graceful and I kept looking at the folks around me who were holding poses like it wasn't even remotely difficult while it took every ounce of my energy just to hold downward dog and not fall over.  Grandma on the yoga mat next to me was killing it while I couldn't figure out which hand to put where (cue Jess with the *cough* switch arms *cough*).  Turns out following directions AND knowing right from left are also not exactly my forte.    

By the end of the 90 minutes session, I was a messy puddle of sweat with shaky arms and legs and had missed half of the poses - but I finished it. And it felt damn good.  Being in the warm room, smelling the odor of 25 sweaty people while failing epicly at flexibility and coordination was surprisingly awesome.  Do I want to trade in my CrossFit shoes for a yoga mat and towel?  No way.  I love the energy that goes into CrossFit - and something about throwing weights around while swearing and listening to loud music makes me happy. But it was great to experience something new and to use my muscles in a different way than usual.  I'm definitely going to add some hot yoga into my workout routines... at least for the next 30 days as the girl at the counter definitely convinced me into the 30 day trial. Yoga girl upsell = 1, AmEx Card = 0

Namaste y'all. 

This seems peaceful.  What I did?  Not so peaceful.

Self Control? What's That?

There are two things that will never be my strengths:  self control and will power.  Especially when it comes to food, wine, shopping, and men.  Turns out - I'm not so good at saying no to things.  This is evidenced by my credit card bill and lots of bad dates.  I'm finally mastering the ability to say no to the total jerks (something I didn't have in college - yup - those of you who knew me back then know EXACTLY which jerks I am referring to).  And I'm getting better at saying no to shopping as well - I even walked out of Lululemon without buying anything last weekend (and that NEVER happens).  But food and wine?  It's all: Yes! Yes! Yes!!  

Okay... I LOVE food.  This is a new thing.  I used to be super food indifferent.  My mom is a great cook - but we were on the go all the time between school and sports and so we had a revolving door of a lot of the same dishes.  I love those dishes: mushroom chicken, meatloaf, mac and cheese (to name my favorites!) and they are my go-to's for comfort food.  But we didn't branch out a lot - there were a lot of things that I had no idea what they were until I moved to Seattle and was trying out new restaurants on my own.  I wouldn't even try a lot of new things at first -- we would go to happy hour somewhere and I would order something that I was familiar with and then I would try bites of friend's food.  That opened the door to dates, brussel sprouts, hummus, kale and things like that.  It was actually kind of embarrassing and I always tried to play it off like I totally knew what duck confit was (I'll be honest - I'm still not 100% sure).  I'm sure my friends saw right through it and laughed at me as the crazy food virgin behind my back.  I don't know if it's because I grew up in Montana or what... but we just don't have those things in restaurants there.  We do, however, have TONS of steak and potatoes.  We also have game.  Lots of game.  I know exactly what venison tastes like.  

The thing is:  I love to eat.  It's fantastic.  There are so many amazing restaurants here - and I mean like change-your-life-amazing restaurants.  Also, since I've discovered a love for cooking - that means I get to eat even more.  Four years ago, I was content eating a bag of popcorn for dinner - now, that popcorn had better have artisan Parmesan and truffle salt on it.   The problem here is - I'm single.  I'm cooking for two and eating for one.  Do you know how hard it is find recipes that are designed for one person?  Sure... there are cookbooks geared at singles, but they don't really design their recipes the way that I like to cook.  I'm still trying to eat healthy and focus on a primal diet (although you wouldn't be able to tell from the last couple of weeks - hello shit food diet!).  A lot of those recipes have a ton of carbs and dairy and things that I really try hard to limit.  So... turns out I make a lot of food and don't have enough friends who want to come over for dinner every night of the week.

Since I've been doing CrossFit, I've lost a ton of weight... like almost 20lbs.  Okay... correction - I had lost 20lbs.  I've now gained ten back.  I like to think it's all muscle, but that's probably not 100% accurate.  Coach Jess and I had a talk about it one day and we agreed on a target weight for me and I have to get my ass in gear and get there.  No more f-ing around.  It's only like 7lbs - SEVEN POUNDS.  That should be easy.  She's given me  diet/healthy eating tips and I know that if I just do it - losing the weight should be simple.  But here's where the self control part comes in:  I want to eat EVERYTHING.  Including all the bad stuff - like the chocolate banana muffins my co-worker brought in this morning.  They are delicious.  I had two. (Okay fine... three.  But they are little!)  Self control?  Nope.  

I'm the same way with wine (and tequila - but that's a post for a different day.  Love the tequila.) - I have a hard time just saying no. It's like - okay, well, one glass is good for your health.  Okay, well, work was stressful today - a second glass is fine.  And by the time I'm done - I've had two glasses of wine and all the alcohol/sugar calories that come with it. 

I've been justifying my bad eating habits lately by saying 'it's my birthday week' - and I think that's fair.  But now, it's not my birthday week anymore and I need to get my ass in gear.  I literally sent my parents home with every unhealthy thing that we ate this weekend (they brought cookies AND salt water taffy -thanks guys) including the delicious gorgonzola chicken I made for them.  I think sometimes it's totally worth it to make something totally delectable - any diet that doesn't allow people to cheat every once in a while isn't for me.  Life isn't worth living without the occasional totally bad for you meal.  But... I did send the leftovers to Montana.  I don't need them.  I ate my leftover steak fajitas for lunch - without sour cream, cheese or tortilla.  Good start?  Let's hope so.  Seven pounds could just be the difference between normal pull-ups and chest-to-bar. 

13.5 - Til Next Year, CrossFit Open, Til Next Year

The Open is officially over.  And 13.5 defeated me.  15 reps?  15?!?!?!  Sad day.  I only finished the first set of thrusters.  Chest to bar pull ups are just not in the cards for me this year... next year however, they will be my bitch.  You know, even though I'm disappointed that I didn't do better this year, it was a great eye-opening opportunity to the things that I need to work on and I plan on mastering them before next year's open.  I know that I will probably never be a real competitor or close to regionals - but next year, I fully expect to be in the top third of those competing in the region - and I know I'm going to have to work my butt off to get there. 

On a completely different note - my parents are here for the weekend.  YEAH!  They came up for the weekend to celebrate my birthday and with them, they brought my fabulous new food processor!!  So excited.  It's a little ridiculous to be so excited over an appliance - but I am.  I keep thinking of all the thinks I can slice, julienne, shred and puree with practically no effort.  Amazing.  

Last night I made Coffee Marinated Steak Fajitas - they were pretty darn good.  Steak is not quite my forte - but I'm trying.  I need to add more red meat into my diet and so I'm working on it slowly but surely.  My dad definitely had to help me with the steak -- but I think I've got it (thanks Dad!).  Next time, I'm on my own.  I'll post the recipe for the rub I used later -- it was pretty darn good.  

Tonight... the folks and I went for Via Tribunali pizza.  If you haven't been there - go.  Like drop everything and go immediately.  It's the best wood fired pizza in all of Seattle.  It's comparable to pizza I ate in Rome.  Totally fantastic.  

Margherita DOC pizza.  I almost ate the whole damn thing.  I wanted to. 

  

Even my Dad likes Via Trib pizza.  Since he usually hates pizza - this is a huge compliment. My mom had actual clams on her pizza.  In the shell.  That was different. 

Tomorrow, my mom and I are going for pediucures.  I can't wait.  I am in desperate need.  And I'll probably get another before Vegas.  And a manicure.  And a spray tan.  Oh... and my new swimsuit came yesterday.  It's glorious.  And fringy.  It rained all day today - can't wait for sunshine.  Two weeks!

A CrossFit Girl's Birthday (or There's No Crying in CrossFit)

This week was my birthday -- yeah!!! Even though I've been telling people I'm 30 for at least 6 months... it's still not true.  I'm now officially 29.  I'll most definitely continue to tell people I'm 30 for at least the next 6 months -- at which time I will probably have a 'holy crap - I'm 30' meltdown and then proceed to tell people that I'm 28.  Age has never really been a big deal to me (except for 21-- but who wasn't thrilled to turn 21 and be able to have legal cocktails?!) -- but I guess I thought I'd have my shit figured out by 30.  And let me just tell you... my shit is most definitely not figured out.  I have 363 days to pull it together. 

We celebrated with beers and bocce ball at the newest German bar in Seattle.  It was just what I wanted to do... low key, casual, getting my ass kicked at bocce.  And the beers were this big:

Well... my beer was this big.  Other people's were totally normal size. And I had two.  Happy Birthday to me!!!

I had a blast.  I am so lucky to have the coolest and most amazing friends.  Huge shoutout to everyone who came -- you totally made my day.  Thank you so much.  

Unfortunately, my actual birthday was not as successful as my party.  I worked ALL day.  Regular work 8-4, coaching 5-7:30, competition course 7:30-8:30.  Long day.  And I maybe cried.  Several times.  For no apparent reason.  Even in CrossFit.  Oh yes... total CrossFit meltdown (almost equivalent to the great med ball clean meltdown of 2012).  I had a moment - I felt crappy at coaching and like I couldn't teach even basic movements without mucking it up - and then I had my own workout and felt like I couldn't do ANYTHING.  Some nights - things don't click.  Even things I've been doing for a year.  It led to tears.  Really?!  There is no crying in CrossFit -- unless you've hurt yourself or you've pushed so hard that you can't help it.  But I feel like there are times that CrossFit breaks me.  It's not necessarily bad - it's just that it's usually my place that I go to push until I can't go any more and it makes me feel better when I'm stressed out or feeling anxious.  However, when a movement seems like it's just not coming together - it can break you.  Well.  It broke me. On my birthday.  But it's okay.  A little bit of breaking is okay, especially because I am totally capable of putting myself back together.  

Positive side... I got to eat this on my birthday:

The new Burger Bistro at the Westin is AMAZEBALLS. 

#purebliss

Dear Negatives: I Hate You. That Is All.

Okay... going to the gym is usually able to pull me out of any grumpy funk that I may be in.  Today was a fail.  There are lots of things at the gym that aren't my forte and tonight, I got to do several of them.  YEAH!  

Tonight's WOD: 
4 rounds for time
10 power snatches - 70lbs
10 ring dips
10 strict pull ups
400m run

Well.  I had to scale the ring dips to ring dip negatives and do five at at a time.  Then I also had to scale pull ups to negatives and only do five with David holding my feet so I didn't plummet to the ground once I hit a certain point.  AND I had to run?  FML. It was not an awesome workout.  My arms hurt.  My shoulders hurt. My hands hurt. My legs are tired.  I would be totally whiny if I didn't live alone and actually had someone to whine to.

This happened.  Huge shout out to Coach DQ for rigging me up a sweet dip situation. He's like MacGyver.

And it's just been a long day.  I'm tired and feeling stressed out for no apparent reason.  And I'm driving a shitty car because my car is in the shop (thank you to the dude who rear ended me).  Something about driving a Nissan Altima makes me incredibly grumpy (sorry to anyone who may drive the Nissan Altima on purpose - I'm sure it's a perfectly nice car - this particular one just sucks massively).