Hawaii... Part 2 (Or... How I Puked in a Hawaii Costco Parking Lot)

I realized as I typed 'Part 2' that there may be many parts to this series... I'll be like the never ending Fast and the Furious franchise that is already up to like 18 or something mind-boggling like that. Although I legitimately would like to see the newest edition to the franchise - mostly as a tribute to  Paul Walker, who I had a gigantic crush on after the first movie - which I saw at least 5 times in the movie theater and totally fan-girled out over the cars at Universal Studios when I was a senior in high school. I almost wish I had access to those pictures just so I could share the total dorkiness that was me at 18... almost.

Anyways... back around to Hawaii...

Hawaii is still beautiful and I am still a shade of cherry tomato red.  Apparently my ability to rock a tan abandoned me when I became a Seattle resident. Fingers crossed that the latest in my battle with the glowing orb in the sky is a tan tomorrow.

PBR smells like college.

In other news... I SNORKELED!!!  And I didn't drown, cry, or freak out.  Okay... maybe I freaked out a little bit.  But the lifeguard didn't have to swim out to get me - so we're going to go ahead and call it a win.  I'll be the first to admit that I didn't love the general snorkeling experience.  There's something unnatural about breathing through a plastic tube with your face in the water.  My depth perception was all out of whack and so fish that were 20 feet away looked like they were right in my face - it's freaky.  When I saw a sea urchin that was no less than 12inches across, I was done.

So while yesterday started with some innocent snorkeling - it ended with a night out on the town.  For those of you who are familiar with my schedule - you are aware that generally my bedtime is early.  If I'm up til 10, I start to get concerned that I'll be all yawn-y the next day.  And I wish I could say that this only applies to 'school nights' but it doesn't.  It's all the time.  I like bed.  And sleeping.  It's a thing.  8 hours of sleep and I are a match made in heaven.  

Let's just say that I didn't get 8 hours of sleep yesterday.  I probably didn't even get 4.

We shut down the bar.  We made friends with locals.  We convinced a guy who wouldn't go away that we were a lesbian couple here for our wedding (to which he still didn't get the hint and hung around telling us how beautiful our love was and getting teary eyed over the fact that he isn't married. True story.).  We played giant Jenga.  We drank all the beers.

Today we went to one of the beautiful white sand beaches near Kona. (What I have learned is that Hawaii is the newest of the Hawaiian Islands and is full of lava.  Most of the beaches are really rocky because the rocks haven't broken down over hundreds of years into sand.  Just a quick knowledge bomb for you.) And I woke up this morning feeling like I had been hit by a Mack Truck.  Apparently 72 IPAs and two Gilligan's Girl coconut cocktails will do that to you.

So a little known fact about me is that I get terribly motion sick - the back seat of cars, rides at amusement parks, probably boats on the ocean - all of them make me want to hurl.  Well.  Today I did.  In the parking lot of Costco.  Awesome.  Vacation high point.  But, like Paige pointed out, at least it wasn't in the parking lot of a Walmart.  Touché.

Things I Learned This Weekend (Or Why My Neighbors Think I'm a Hot Mess)

This weekend was the wedding of one of my favorite couples.  You know those couples that you just knew were perfect for each other from the first time you saw them together?  This wedding was for that couple.  There was never any doubt in any of our minds that Julie and Danny were perfect for each other and their wedding was absolutely beautiful.  However, with every wedding that you attend, comes much anticipation and preparation.  I'm so jealous of men... suits on, run a hand through the hair and done.  We spend HOURS on preparation - not to mention the amount of time it takes to just physically get into the dress (which is never just as easy as putting on a pair of pants).  Being a girl sucks sometimes.  

Anyways... this is what I learned this weekend:

1. Just because your adorable hair dresser can McGyver her broken high heels, doesn't mean that you can too.  Anything that involves super glue, pliers, and heavy books is probably not a plan that you are going to be able to do well in a time crunch.  At least not well enough to be able to put it on your feet and wear successfully for the evening.  
2. Even if you think you are badass enough to McGyver your shoes - get a back up pair just in case your plan fails (as it almost inevitably will).  This will save you from having to make not one, not two, but three trips to Nordstrom in the course of the day with the last being in a panic 45 minutes before you are scheduled to be picked up.  
3. Even though you've made it home, in one piece, and alone - it will still look like you are doing the walk of shame out of your own house in the morning.  Last night's pretty bouncy hair plastered to your face and mascara/eyeliner smudges all over.  It is times like this that you will inevitably run right into your neighbors and apparently the weekend guests that they had staying with them.  Awesome. 
4. After you mumble something about having a wedding last night to try to explain your disheveled appearance, you'll get your dog in the car and go for lunch.  And by go for lunch, I obviously mean go to Wendy's (seriously, a Wendy's delivery service would make bank) - as nothing cures a slight hangover like a spicy chicken sandwich and a frosty.  
5. It's also inevitable that you will return home from your adventure for lunch to find your neighbors still standing outside by your parking spot.  Shame is having to walk past them again - this time, with a giant bag of Wendy's goodness.  Especially because Wendy's is literally one block away - and you quite obviously drove there.

Awesome.  It's been an awesome day.  

My date and I practicing our sorority girl pose.  

The Selfie

Okay guys, it's time that we address a super pressing matter:  the selfie.  For some reason, this phenomenon is sweeping the social media world and it is probably my biggest pet peeve.  For those of you who aren't familiar with what a selfie is (Mom...) - here is the definition according to Wikipedia:

A selfie is a type of self-portrait photograph, typically taken with a hand-held digital camera or camera phone. In August 2013, the term selfie also made its debut in Oxford Dictionaries Online's quarterly update where it is defined as "a photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and uploaded to a social media website."

Really?  This term 'selfie' is now in the Oxford dictionary?  I'm embarrassed for my generation.  

Okay.  Back to the point at hand.  There is a time and place for a selfie - and I will not try to imply that I am above taking one.  Here are a few examples of what I consider to be appropriate selfies: 

The 'I'm pretty sure this costume makes me look like I have ginormous love handles - please confirm' selfie

The 'I'm way too excited to be going to Whistler to run in the mud! selfie
(note: only sent to other super excited to run in the mud)

The 'Sitting on the floor of our new house for the first time' selfie

The 'Making fun of Miley Cyrus's tongue' selfie

The 'I managed to fix my own hair AND do my own makeup - I'm good to go' selfie
(I actually sent this to my pet sitter to show to my dog so she didn't forget what I looked like.)

Please note that in all of these selfies - I am fully clothed and also fully aware that I look like a MORON.  I think it's okay to do selfies as long as you are aware that you look idiotic.  I really wanted to post terrible selfies of other people - but something about that just felt wrong - so let's just chat about the terrible types of selfies that there are: 

• The Car Selfie:  I have at least one, probably more like five, friends on Facebook who are CONSTANTLY posting pictures of themselves in their cars.  'Look how pretty I am driving to work!'.  'Look how pretty I am driving home from work!'  'Look how pretty I am driving to the grocery store!'  Stop.  Just stop. (The one car selfie exception?  One picture after you leave the hair salon showing off your fabulous new color.  That is it.)
• The Gym Selfie:  If you are at the gym to work out - WORK OUT.  Stop taking pictures of your abs in the mirror.  'Oh excuse me... just a minute, quick break from my workout to look sexy and take a picture'.  I hate you.
• The Bathroom Mirror Selfie:  Nothing is sexier than a photo of you with a toilet in the background.  
• The Flexing in the Mirror Selfie:  No.  NO.  NO.  

For the love of all things holy - please stop with the pointless selfies.  I don't care what you look like while getting ready for work, or while working out, or while driving your car.  Actually... no one cares.  I am much more interested in seeing pictures of you doing something interesting - selfie while on an awesome hike?  Hell yeah.  Way better than the 'look at me in my undies' selfie that seems to be sweeping the nation. 

CrossFit Girl's Guys Guide to Online Dating

So I know that I have pretty much only unsuccessfully experienced the online dating thing... and there is a good chance that I am doing a lot of things wrong.  That being said: here is a whole slew of things that the boys of the online dating world are doing wrong:

• Profile names. Just wrap this into the whole 'first impression' thing.  I would rather have a screen name that is nonsensical than 'VDSeattle' (I don't care what you meant.  Rewind and think about what it sounds like.)  'LuvBelow' (again.  Don't care what you meant.)  'INeedANewChick' (Don't we all?  Isn't that why we are all online dating? Unless you are into open relationships.  Then you fall into a whole different category.)  'TheEmptyVessel' (I get that this is Seattle and we are all emo and shit - but really?!?!?)  
• We all have guilty pleasures that we watch on tv... but we don't need to list them on our online profiles.  If a dude lists 'The Vampire Diaries' and 'Teen Wolf' as their favorite shows - nope.  Not going to happen.
• Selfies - Part 1.  Okay, we've all done them.  We are all allowed one, maybe two, on our profiles.  If ALL of your pics are selfies - you should probably know two things: #1. I'm assuming you have no friends to take an occasional picture of you.  #2.  I can probably see up your nose.  
• Selfies - Part 2. There is no excuse for ever taking a picture in the mirror while you are flexing.  This is not okay and you are a tool.  It is only okay to take pictures of yourself in the mirror when you need outfit approval from your best friend and then you delete them immediately (not that I have ever done that - I can totally dress myself).  
• Selfies - Part 3.  What is with dudes taking pictures in their cars?!?!  I only do this when I have left the salon and again need best friend approval on my new hair cut/color before anyone else sees me.   But seriously.  Why?  Why are so many selfies taken in cars? Is it the lighting?  Is it the angles?  What? I'm confused and it makes me unbelievably annoyed. 
  
• Outdoor pics.  I appreciate an outdoorsy guy, I really truly do.  But I would love to see that you don't live your life on a mountainside dressed in head-to-toe Patagonia gear.  Would you want  to see all of my pics in head-to-toe Lululemon doing CrossFit?  No. I get that you are active and that's awesome - but what else do you do? You probably don't hike Rainier every weekend (and if you do, I apologize, but you are WAY too outdoorsy for me. Turns out, I'm outdoorsy in that I like drinking on patios.)
• For the love of all things holy, please stop lying about your height.  When you say you are 5'11" and we meet and you are shorter than me - it's not because I spontaneously sprouted three inches.  It's because you are only 5'8.  Just own it.  
• 'Hey gorgeous.  Don't you think we'd make a great looking couple? '.  No 'ChiseledChuck'.  I don't.  

Seriously.

Going to the Chapel

This weekend, I made a super quick trip to California to see my oldest friend get married.  (No, I don't mean my 'oldest' friend.  I mean, my friend who I have literally had for almost my entire life - not an 85 year old friend.)  

Diana and I have been friends since we were in first grade.  Seeeeeee... 

We were obviously the most awesome (and adorable) kids ever (proven because my mom cropped everyone out of this picture who wasn't awesome).  And our Brownie uniforms were totally rad circa 1990.  The fact that we were this adorable at 6 is only a sign of the amazing things to come.  Seeeee....

We have been friends for almost our entire lives. We were what? Six in the first grade?  That's almost 24 years.  Crazy.  It's hard to imagine that I've been friends with someone for that long!  Growing up as an only child, Diana and her sisters are the closest thing to siblings that I've ever had.  Diana's mom is one of my mom's closest friends and a lot of my childhood memories involve being in and around their house or our house - most likely running around like banshees (or chasing the neighbor boy, Doug). 

It's weird to have your oldest and dearest friend get hitched.  Although a lot of my friends are married by now, most of them I met in college - and we already thought we were adults then (even though we were horribly, horribly wrong). I've literally known Diana since we were tiny humans. I could not be more excited for her and her new hubby and I am so incredibly honored to be a part of her big day.  

It was a fantastic weekend.  I loved spending time with her family and helping her get ready for the day.  I had an amazing time hanging out with her sisters and her mom and all getting pretty and ready together.  Overall, wedding success.  I'm sure there will be more pictures to come.  

Oh. And I did my part to help out the CA budget crisis yesterday.  I got a speeding ticket in Calabasas (before you ask... yes, THAT Calabasas.  AKA Kardashian country. And I hate myself for even knowing that).  It was totally my fault.  I'll own it - I was speeding.  But seriously?  Worst luck ever. This girl. WORST. LUCK. EVER.  You are welcome, California-ites, you are welcome. 

The Crossfit Girl's Guide to Hand Care

At my gym, we've recently started a pull-up strength segment - so basically every day, we are working pull-ups, negatives and assistance lifts.  The result?  Stronger strict pull-ups, working our way up to strong and healthy kipping pull ups, AND sore hands.  I have strong hands and mine feel totally thrashed. My forearms are killing.  My calluses are feeling extra special.  So... let's take a second to talk hand care shall we?  

Do not roll your eyes.  We watch what we put into our bodies, we spend ridiculous money on shoes and clothes (or maybe that's just me...hmmm), we get up at the crack of dawn to beat ourselves up - but we can't take a few minutes to make sure that we don't look like this? 

This isn't a good look for anyone.  Exactly how much fun do you think this makes doing anything at the gym?  Or for life in general?  Ouch.  No thank you. 

Yeah... that's what I thought.  Read on people.  

There are a ton of great articles and blogs out there that will go into great detail of what you should/shouldn't do to keep your hands in shape.  I've read a bunch of them - some I agree with, some I think are over the top.  Listen... most of us are doing CrossFit recreationally.  It's our fitness regiment - not our life.  We aren't the Rich Fronings and Annie Thorisdottirs of the world.  We come into the gym for an hour or two at a time, get our butts kicked and leave feeling fantastic.  Don't get me wrong - I am in no way trying to diminish what we do - it's freaking awesome! But a lot of the hand care stuff that you read is WAY over the top for the average athlete.  

I do a lot of CrossFit.  I spend a lot of time hanging from the bar just trying to build up my strength.  Every day when I come into the gym - I try to spend a minute or two either hanging, working on my kipping pullups, or just staring at the bar willing it to come down to my level as my arms can't quite pull me up like they are supposed to.  Since I've been doing CrossFit - I've never had a big callus tear.  I may just be lucky, but I like to think that I actually take pretty good care of my hands.  Here's what works for me: 

1. A pumice stone. Seriously.  Best $1.99 I've ever spent. I keep it in my shower and hit my hands every day.  It takes less than 30 seconds to go over my hands and work down the calluses.  Don't do it too hard - you don't want to take off all your skin (that defeats the purpose). 
2. Lotion.  Between the chalk and the hand washing to get the chalk off and probably all the sweat - my hands get really dry.  Invest in good lotion.  Like the really rich and intensive moisturizing kind.  I have two different kinds that I use: Vitamin E Lotion and Hemp Hand Protector.  Both are from The Body Shop.  Vitamin E lotion is super light but moisturizing (wow, I sound like a commercial).  The Hemp Hand Protector is more oily - so I usually only use it at night or when I'm going to be sitting for a while.  Good lotion will save your hands.  When your hands are super dry, it's much easier to crack the calluses.  Ouch. 
3. A reasonable amount of chalk.  If you need chalk, use it.  But there is no reason to have chalk from your wrist to the tips of your fingers.  Rub it in across the parts of your hand that actually grip the bar.  If you use too much chalk, it's possible that your hands will move too much on the bar - therefore causing more friction and therefore more blisters/rips.  Plus, do you really need to be THAT guy who rechalks every set and literally has white hands?  No.  That's excessive.  No one needs that.  Not even Rich Froning.  

   

   You're welcome. (See... he's totally using an appropriate amount of chalk and he's the fittest man alive. No excuses.)

Before you start investing your money into lifting gloves, Body Glide, and other fancy fixes - give these things a shot.  It could be an easy fix that saves your hands (and your wallet).  By all means, if you are still having problems - there are tons of resources out there for more advanced hand care - and as a coach, I'm always down to help you with whatever you think needs to be taped, chalked, Body Glided, gloved, etc.  

Just make sure you are taking care of yourself.  We need our hands for almost everything - we can't really do anything at the gym if our hands are destroyed.  And on a personal level, who wants to hold hands with someone who has open wounds all over?  No one.  That's who. 

Not Even Remotely About CrossFit (okay... maybe just a smidge)

One of my girlfriends asked me recently - why don't I blog more about my dating? Well... let's just do a quick summary of my love life shall we?  

.

Zilch.  

I've got zilch.  

It's not that I don't want to be dating.  I would LOVE to have a fantastic guy around.  But I think I'm taking a break from actively seeking one out on the interwebs.  Online dating is exhausting.  And I'm tired.  All the time.  That's what happens when you have a full time job, are doing a coaching internship AND working out 4-5 days a week.  My house is almost always a disaster, my cats feel neglected and I'm at least three weeks behind on my DVR (that's a lie, I don't have a DVR - but I do have OnDemand).  I don't even have time to see my friends - my best friend lives 30 minutes away and I haven't seen her in at least a month.  I'm a terrible friend.  

The only reason I do hang out with any of my friends now is that they are friends from the gym and we go out after our workout.  And no one cares that I am sweaty and gross looking - because they are also sweaty and gross looking.  No date would appreciate post-WOD Danielle.  This is what I look like: 

Remember this picture? Go me.

Yeah... not pretty.  Not pretty at all. 
 
It's not that I don't want to date.  Dating is awesome.  I love meeting new people. But... getting all cleaned up to go meet a complete stranger that I may or may not hit it off with when I don't even have time to see friends who I love isn't a high priority in my life right now.  

AND -- I'm sick of guys being intimidated by the fact that I do CrossFit.  Yes- I do CrossFit.  Yes- I'm decent at it.  Yes- I'm strong.  If you can't handle the fact that I can probably outlift you - I don't need any part of it.  Maybe I've gotten spoiled by the fact that  I work out with fantastic guys who are super encouraging and want nothing more than for us girls to get one more rep or 5 more lbs.  I would really just love a guy who will totally rock a 'My Girl Is Stronger Than You' shirt.  

I'm actually totally okay with not dating right now.  I'm having a blast just doing me.  I'm busy and enjoying every minute of it (okay... that may be an exaggeration... but I enjoy MOST minutes of it).  So... the summary of my recent dating experiences?  Nada. 

On the positive side:  being single has given me WAY more time to practice cooking.  Here's a quick recipe for best steak rub ever: 

Coffee Spice Rub
2T coffee (I used Seattle's Best #4. I like my coffee darker and thought this had great flavor)
1t Cinnamon
1/2t Smoked Paprika
1/2t Cumin
A pinch of cayenne pepper (just for a little punch)
Salt (I used Himalayn Pink Sea Salt as it is AWESOME.  And pink.)  

Delicious.  Make it ASAP.  Actually, ditch whatever you were planning to make for dinner tonight and make steak.  It's a great plan.